To Whomsoever it may Concern…

First of all I would like to point out that this will be the last time that I will be spoiling my state of mind because of what I am going to be describing now. I have been devastated enough because of this and I am now coming out of it. So this will be the last time that I will be giving this much thought to what happened a couple of weeks back.

So here is in detail what happened to me because of alcohol. It was not good. Not good at all. But what I will be writing now is about all the things that I wanted to tell that one concerned person. That in itself should explain as to what exactly happened. So here goes:

To Whomsoever It May Concern,

What happened between you and me 2 weeks back happened so damn fast that I still cannot comprehend the true magnitude of the situation. It was totally unexpected and to be frank, very harsh. I did not see it coming from anywhere and I am sure so didn’t you.

I have known you personally for over 7 years now. And we have had some good times, some bad times and some great times. Over the years you turned out to be a true friend of mine and also a close confidant. I was really happy that I had met you.

And especially over the past 2-3 years, we got to know each other really well. You got a boyfriend in the process, of whom, I initially didn’t approve of, but then was happy to realize I was wrong, until now when I had to reconsider. We began to go out a lot often mostly because HE didn’t mind. And everytime I came home from my hostel, I was looking forward to spending some time with you and get you updated on all my (mis)adventures. And then I began to tell you about my blissful experiences with alcohol. You became curious to try one in the process. But I firmly said that until HE gives permission, I will not let you try it.

And then one day my close friend comes home and suggests we go for a small drink. And that’s concomitant with you calling me up and checking if we can go out anywhere. And then I asked you if it is really ok with you to accompany my friend and I to the pub. You say its fine. I ask you again. You still say yes. I ask you twice more and you still say yes. And then next moment you tell me that you had beer the previous night! I am pleasantly surprised. So you had tasted alcohol and so you didn’t mind coming to a pub with me. Right. So far so good. We go the nearest pub and I have a pint and you just have a Breezer( which you later claimed was milder than Limca). We come back after talking there for about an hour. In the end you tell me that you are worried as to what HE will say. I told you not to worry.

I go back after dropping you and then in the night at around 10, I check my mobile and find 11 missed calls! All from HIM! I had a hunch what was to come. I got HIS call again soon. After initial beating circumlocution, HE got straight to the point. HE told me that he was disappointed that I took you out to a pub. In fact it was fairly obvious that he was apoplectic. HE blasted me in a very diplomatic manner. Not raising his voice but showing the intention every now and then. I told him that I had asked your permission before I took you there but HE was not ready to listen to any of my reason. Then HE explicitly tells me that HE will not be blaming you under any circumstances, for God knows what reason, and so the other person remaining here is me. And so HE told me on my face that I am to be blamed for everything that took place and that I was responsible for taking her out to a pub!

Ok, it didn’t make much sense to me initially. After a while I realized that it doesn’t make any sense whatsoever. And this guy wanted me to apologise for all of it! Got it? HE wanted me to apologise for each and everything that took place that day. I mean really I wanted to know, exactly for what action of mine, was I to apologise to HIM? I was not going to apologize for something that I had not done. I have that much self respect in me and I would not allow it.

At the same time I could not allow the blame to fall on you as well. That was because I did not see any fault of you own as well. You had no problem accompanying me to the pub. You had no problem having a Breezer. And I had no problem in taking you there after you yourself said it was fine with you. Then what the hell is HIS problem?

Oh I get it! HE is your boyfriend after all and HE has to display and remind that fact to others every now and then. So HE suddenly gets very possessive of you, that aspect that I hadn’t seen in him at all. And then HE goes around trying to bully me into an apology for something that I had not done and in fact, an apology where nothing had gone wrong in the first place! Now that’s what I call as lack of common sense!

Alright fine. I do understand that HE is your boyfriend and has to be possessive of you. I never knew that HE would really abhor me taking you to a pub. So I took you out as you didn’t have any problems. And then HE tells me that HE is not fine with it. Ok fine. I didn’t know it before. Now that you have told me this, I do respect your relationship and so I will make sure that I will not be taking her out to a pub again. Ok? Chapter closed. HE tells me where HE draws the line and I will make sure that I don’t cross it. Fine? Sounds like a plausible and feasible end to a small incident?

Well apparently, for HIM, NO!!!! HE went to the extent of speculating all the things that COULD have gone wrong and so I shouldn’t have taken you there. So I (still) needed to apologise. Now, not for what happened, but for what could have happened! Well either way I was supposed to apologise for something that never happened! Now why on earth does that make absolutely no sense to me? Because there is absolutely none in it!

And after all this HE goes to the extent of blaming me again, this time,guess for what? This time I am blamed for not apologizing! And it really struck home when he said the following to me: “Thank you for all the time that you have spent with her all these years.”

And then suddenly I realized that this guy was actually going to bring an end to my friendship with you. Whatever I said after HE said that was totally inconsequential because I am sure HE had already made up his mind about us, contrary to what he told you later. HE hung up abruptly after I refused to apologise the entire conversation.

And next he called you up and guess what HE told you? Now here is the bombshell. HE tells you: “look he couldn’t apologise even for the sake of your friendship!”

WHAT???????????????

That simply put is the most insane, asinine and the cheapest way to communicate to you the fact that he could not get an apology from me! So now taking you to a pub is MY fault. And also to add insult to injury, now the reason for our friendship to end is also ME! And why? Because I didn’t bloody apologise for something I didn’t do and for nothing that went wrong! Very bloody convenient!

And you know the worst part? He has actually convinced you that I did not have the courtesy to apologise to at least save our friendship! So in your own words, you know you shouldn’t have come with me in the first place, but then that I had the last chance and I blew it by not apologizing! WTF? I mean first of all what bloody right does he have to say that only if I apologized our friendship could continue? Why are you just believing in everything that he says? Why don’t you understand that he is just making such a big issue out of absolutely nothing? And why cant you convince him that I didn’t do anything against your wishes?

Well I know the answer. It is simply because you will never be able to stand up to him at any point in your relationship. You will twist, bend and adjust yourself to whatever he says is right and whatever he says is wrong, simply because you don’t have the courage to accept that you are changing much to your own disliking.

Whatever…..You then told me that you could not talk to me as he would feel bad even though he has said that you can talk to me. So that’s it. End of a tale. Over. Pack. Tata.

But wait! What about all those times that we had together? All those memorable outings, all those pulling of legs. What about them? What about all those times that you made me feel alive and wanted? And what about all those advice that you gave me on how to handle girls? Oh ya and who is going to listen to all my misadventures with alcohol? And now who is going to get you that make up kit from abroad you so badly wanted for your marriage? Now what am I supposed to do if I open my purse and I find I have a lot of money? With whom do I go to Kalmane’s Kofee or to McDonald’s? Or for that matter, what about that Elizabeth Arden perfume that I wanted to get you on your next birthday?

Fact is, you will never know how much your friendship meant to me. And I feel bad that I have been sort of cheated off your friendship. And I feel worse to know that you have convinced yourself that I was the one to be eventually blamed. There are still lots of things that I would like to tell you but cant do so here like this. And I also know that you will never know what they are. I am also certain that you will never read this as well, given the fact that you surf the internet once a year for your results.

Whatever it maybe, I hope you don’t blame yourself for whatever happened and just learn to get alongwith things as they come. I am used to these things nowadays. So I will somehow get over with it. You take care.

 

Yours truly,

NR