Monthly Archives: October 2008

And there goes the 23rd!

So this is how it feels like to be 23 years old….Hmmmm…

Hmmmm……

Hmmmmm…….

Hmmmmm……….

WTF?? 22 felt the same f***in’ way! And so did 21! Seriously, WTF is this? I spent practically the entire last year convincing myself that being 22 sucks and being 23 was going to be great! And this stuff is not bad, its worse! Yeah all you <23 years old dudes brace yourself, this is gonna suck!

Ok now that I am done with my whining, let me rewind back to a little before 26th October, i.e Sunday which also happened to be my 23rd Birthday. So here is what happened:

25th October

23:45- Watching Kill Bill on PIX for the 7th time.

23:58- Suddenly realized I was going to turn 23 in a couple of minutes and so rushed to do that one very important thing!

23:59- Its all ready!

26th October

00:00- 60ml Black Dog Scotch Whiskey-On the Rocks! Now thats how I ventured into the 24th year of my existence!

It so happened that a certain individual of the human female species who goes by such very appropriate names as Olive Oyl and the likes, was the first  to wish me at around 00:01. Much appreciated thank you!

And so began the one thing that separates this one day from the rest 365 days of the year-phone calls! (Oh wait you can discount that short, sudden spike in mobile phone activity during my college fest in February. ) Unlike last time around, everybody whom I expected-everyone- called me to wish me. Including a certain special someone who, I have to say, eventually made my day! Of course, like the previous time around, certain people who chose to wish me through an SMS continued their irreversible habit this time around too, but thankfully without the improvisations! And I was fortunately wiser this time around not to reply.

But that aside, here is what I did on my 23rd Birthday:

1) Turned 23.

2) Started my 24th year with a shot of Black Dog.

3) Said “Same to you” when Logik called me to wish me!

4) Stabbed my Birthday cake-yeah literally!

5) Watched in disbelief as my beloved Chelsea lost their unbeaten Home record to Liverpool.

6) Fed some 70 bucks worth of Blackforest pastry to Blackie- the other Black Dog. (God Damnit! For the last time, I AM NOT A RACIST!)

So thats about it! Thats as far as my birthday went! I had people calling me at 00:00 and I had people calling me at 23:45! I guess that explains it all. As uneventful as my 23rd birthday might have been, I will always remember it more than any other birthday of mine-just for the fact that everyone whom I expected to call-everyone that is-called me and wished me. And for someone who gets on an average <2 personal phone calls a month, that is something truly valuable. It may not have been the dream birthday I had hoped for, but considering what I got to take from this, I am quite happy with all of it.

PS: I still got to buy myself a birthday gift. I have around 4k with me, stretchable to 5k. And I find I have everything that I need. So please do pass on some suggestions about what I can possibly buy for 5 grand and not regret it.

PPS: Apparently my script writing time for the south park episode is taking infinitely more time, considering my sudden increase in work load from binary 0 to binary 1. So I hope to put it up this weekend. Till then, I will take off the post.

PPPS: KITTA!! Beat this man! 23 and Still Single! Irrespective of what you are, I will always be  1year ahead of you! HA HA!

PPPPS: To all you guys who wished me on Orkut, Thanks to you too!

Coming up Shortly….

A New South Park script!

Content to be uploaded soon….

It just so happens that I found out Script writing apparently required more time than what I had anticipated. So my faithful readers will have to stick around for some more time.

Anyway, this is how it is going to work:

I will upload Part 1 of 3 parts of the South Park script here. Then I will be asking for feedback from all the readers-both for changes and on how to proceed next. And based on that, I shall upload the next part. As of now, I am done with about half of the 1st part. And will hopefully upload it soon.

And BTW, the theme of the episode is “TIMMY RETURNS!!”

Of ‘Sacs’ and Grudges…WTF?

I had to write this! This shit is perhaps the most incredible thing I have gotten to witness over a couple of weeks! Truly unbelievable! And at the risk of sounding too condescending, let me also say it was just plain dumb! Here is what happened:

I had been to my grandmother’s home today in the afternoon to attend some annual we-all-remember-our-great-grandmother-day where the entire pot bellied brethren-most of whom have already resigned to just lead a vicarious life through their kids- found themselves in one place with their kids, in order to, well, remember the great grandmother! I happened to see a few of those kids after a long time and found that they had quite grown up. One dude was just beginning to explore the nuances of college freedom-and it soon became evident he was not quite ready for it. Then there was this other dude who suddenly claimed he was now studying for his Tenth Board Exams! I mean the last time I saw this kid, he was being an integral part of a typical South Indian marriage scene by acting out the part of the kid pestering his dad to buy him one of those cool(??!!??) plastic toy guns from the Balloon-wala who was standing in front of the Marriage hall sporting a supercilious attitude! This dude has a very troubled past filled with self abuse. Not the wrist slitting or drug consuming kind. I am talking about the getting oneself injured kind. And to this guy, injuries take a whole different meaning altogether. He used to have atleast 2 fractures a month and once even fell from a height of 5 feet over an iron pipe- with his legs on either side of it! Thats right! He hit the ‘Sac’! So much so, he had to get it stitched back! Ah! Imagine that! Getting your ‘Sac’ stitched back! ( It is also said that he held his ‘Sac’ with his bare hands for over an hour at school before the teacher noticed blood flowing on the floor!) So it was a little hard to believe he was actually in Tenth now but I presumed he was indeed talking the truth.

Now you see the thing is, among all the kids on my mother’s side (the great-grandmother also from my mother’s side), I am the eldest and so by default get to play Big Brother and sometimes even Godfather to these kids. From time immemorial, I have officially been the ‘smart kid’ or the ‘intelligent kid’ in the family(now of course having transitioned to the ‘smart graduate’). So every other kid in the family have at one time or the other, been told, quite explicitly, by their parents,  to emulate me through some very inspirational one-liners such as: “You know Akshay Anna’s(brother’s) best friend? Books! You should also read books. Then you will also become like him” and “If you work hard, like Akshay does, then even you will get 1st Rank, like AKshay does!” (Ok when the f*** was the last time I actually stood first in my class?)

So you see, I have been the role model and the source of inspiration for all the family kids. These two now grown up kids were no exceptions. From day one of their schooling, they were taught to emulate me, and maybe even connived to do one better than me! I am not sure about the results, but I never heard of them going one better than me. Not to worry.

Now before I get to the crux of this dumb shit, it has to be notified here that I was at one time a very good chess player and during my more enthusiastic days, I had taught these two kids how to play chess. Again, they were taught to emulate my skill in the game by their parents. I remember to have played some really short lived games during the time I was teaching them the basics of strategy. And it so happened that there was this huge break when I had completely forgotten that I was once a chess maniac and instead began to focus on issues of more importance like IIT-JEE and AIEEE. And the last time I played a game of chess was about 3 years back.

Now, coming back to the day, the lunch meal for this occassion, as per tradition, was deliberately made to be as inedible as it can be made. And so after going through the mandatory ordeal of the lunch, I finally was able to just sit and do nothing. Or so I thought. Suddenly these two now-grown-up kids proposed they play a game of chess with me. I was surprised by their enthusiasm and thought to myself: Ok I am meeting them after a long time. I might as well play a game with them. But then I knew there was no chess set at my Granny’s place and told those kids so. But lo and behold! These dudes had apparently suspected that and had got their own chess set! I was again a bit surprised but proceeded to arrange the pieces to play against the more hyper active kid-The kid with the stitched ‘Sac’. It was then that I heard his equally enthusiastic Dad comment loudly to no one in particular: “He has come here solely to play chess with Akshay anna and to beat Akshay anna!”

WTF??? I mean WTF??? Apparently this dude’s sole purpose of visit was to prove that he had become better than me at chess and as an extension, better than me in general! It suddenly looked like he had been nurturing this desire of his to beat me at Chess for quite many years. It was as if he had been preparing for years together just for this one match! In fact, I could sense some kind of a grudge he had against me. For what? I have no clue. But as he began to play, it was not difficult to see he was playing with a purpose and a well prepared plan of attack! With some vigorous body language, he seemed to tell me his life will somehow attain some meaning when he beats me in that game!

Fifteen minutes and 25-30 moves later, I find I have won. Apparently he had improved over the years, but not enough to challenge my out of touch brain cells! And then immediately I hear statements like: “You were lying when you said you have not played since 3 years.” and “Do you play at the State Level?” and “Do you go for Chess training?” and “You are a very good liar!”

Again, WTF?? I play a game of chess with this dude, partly for old times sake and partly not to disappoint him and now I find him trying to justify what he feels is possibly the worst defeat of his entire life!!! And as I began to acknowledge the other dude’s request to play a game with him, I saw this guy suddenly become very silent and non responsive. I didn’t pay much attention to it till the time his mother came out and said,”Why are you crying? Oh you are crying because you lost a match to Akshay anna? Dont worry, you learn from him about the different moves and strategies. He will help you!” And THAT crushed him real bad! He made a big effort to hold back his tears and disappointment. But for all his efforts, it was pretty clear he had imploded! Again, WTF? Wake up kid! Get a life! Its just a game of chess!

But in the end, I had to give him some advice on improving his chess and none more important and necessary than what Jason Statham said in REVOLVER : “You can only get smarter by playing a smarter opponent!” (Ah! How appropriate!)

The other dude also had similar aspirations. But his was less of a grudge and more of a dream to beat me at Chess. I will leave you to guess the outcome of that game. And again, after the game, the parents of both the kids gave some parental advice about how they should follow my example and learn from me, directly asking me to offer them advice on how THEY should shape THEIR futures. Me being the officious kind, started on my usual dose of Anti-Software and Anti-ENgineering content and saw them losing interest and so changed my stance to just Anti-Software, after which their attention was revived!

And so at the end of the day, their parents again directly asked me in front of the kids to give them some more advice the next time they met! I smiled at them and enthusiastically replied “ANYTIME!!!” And so thus ended the day, me still undefeated and still the guy to beat!

BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME KID!

PS: All the facts mentioned in this post are 100% true, including (and especially) the ‘Stitching of the Sac’.

750+590=1340

And if you don’t understand what the title means, then nevermind about the rest of the post.

So is it good enough? I don’t f***in’ care! Is it over? You god damn right its over!

After having lived with silent guilt for over a year, I am just happy to have finally righted my wrong. Could I have done better? Maybe, maybe not. But frankly speaking, I am in absolutely no mood to contemplate the ifs and buts anymore. Its over and thats all that matters.

TOEFL is day after tomo. Will get over with that too.

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