Updating my Existence

It has been a very eventful few weeks I have to say. Maybe not so much on my blog as off it. And now I am finally all settled and ready to venture into some unknown territory (read continent). So in order not to disappoint my (continuously and inevitably) diminishing reader count, I have embarked upon this new post just to shed some light on all the various exciting stuff (and I am not talking about Michael Jackson) that I might at some point of time use as an excuse for my diminishing posting frequency. So in no particular order, here goes:

1. After months together of internal and external debate and tearing myself apart and some subsequent coin tossing, I finally decided to shift continents-from Europe to North America. More specifically, from Imperial College London to Virginia Tech. There were a lot of pros and cons for each of them. VT was simply better in all aspects including finance, research exposure etc. But Imperial College had Stamford Bridge next door! (God Damn it!) But then, after talking for hours over the phone with Royan, who repeatedly drilled into me (and I have to say, in a biased manner) that USA is a better place etc etc, and then with some first hand info from a VT student, I finally made the call and I am now fully happy that I made the right one. But I guess, in the end, it all really boiled down to Royan’s tireless efforts to make me apply to VT in the first place. And for that (and of course the alcohol inspiration), I think he has more than made up for all the stabs in the hostel!
2. Of course, the decision making was only the beginning of what was to be an extra-ordinarily painful ordeal of applying for a bank loan and getting all the visa documents readied. And after months together of effort, I finally got my visa a few days back and now I know for sure where I am going. And a word of suggestion about bank loans-and this stems solely from my own experience: I strongly recommend CANARA BANK for all your education loans. I have been extremely impressed by the speed and manner in which all my formalities were handled and am also indebted to all the people involved who made it possible for me to get my Loan approved before my Visa interview.
3. Also worth mentioning, just a few weeks back, I almost got rammed into from behind by a speeding Indica late in the night. All thanks to a speed breaker built at a particularly inappropriate zone (and the subsequent marking of that zone as “dangerous”), I could have as well not lived to write this. Watching an Indica do a complete 180 topple some 3 feet behind you when you are in a lame 2 wheeler is not exactly exciting. More so when you realize that the driver did what he did just to avoid ramming into me! But miraculously, the driver escaped without as much as a scratch! And I ‘escaped’ from the accident scene soon after- for reasons Logik didn’t bother to reveal as well. Oh and BTW, it took me some 5 days to get out of my house with the same lame  wheeler again.
4. And so having found insane amounts of time at my disposal in recent months (apart from the harrowing visa process), I hit upon this idea of doing something more constructive and substantial. I realized that I could not really get into any job as such. So I turned my attention to my writing. Having been really impressed and inspired by some of the books and blogs that I have been reading lately, I started a new blog dedicated solely to the adventures and escapades of certain characters that I developed. The blog is here. It mainly consists (or will consist) of a series of short stories about the life of a 22 year old guy who finds himself in the middle of a lot of unusual situations. The stories are almost completely original, with only a very few instances based upon something that I have seen or experienced. Realizing the inevitability of basing a character on oneself, I have made a conscious effort not to base the main character Samir on myself. I have started this new blog with quite a bit of seriousness and hope to atleast write one post every week from now on. As of now, I have only written one post and it is about Samir losing his virginity. I wish I could say this one was based on my own experiences, but alas no. So please do follow the blog (you will find the link at the adjacent column always) and I hope to keep my end of the deal of updating it regularly as well.
5. In celebration of my Visa arrival, there was a sizeable party at my house with an even more sizeable presence of alcohol. So much so, I still have leftovers. The party may be remembered for such things like me preparing the World’s worst cocktail (and my subsequent failure at that) consisting of Shark Tooth Vodka, Grappo Fizz, Godrej Xs KIWI juice, Coke and some Blue Riband Gin as well. Also of note, is how my cousin will always forever rue that night to be the one time his younger sister beat him to a certain feat, a fact that will hitherto remain secret from their mother.
6. After what seemed like a virtual impossibility, I finally went to Wonderla with a couple of friends, one of whom is better known here in this blog for her involvement in a certain handbag hunting expedition. The trip, though initially threatening to make me feel worse, eventually exceeded my expectations and has definitely become something that I will remember for a long time.
7. I am presently in the midst of a shopping and meeting people spree, largely due to the 17 days that I have left in this country. I will maybe have a  few more drinking sessions before I leave and am presently in the process of learning the nuances of cooking at home. Any of you people ready to play guinea pig please feel free to drop by.

So there it is. Some of the things that define ‘exciting’ for me. I will be leaving to Virginia on August 2 with a Junior of mine from college and hope to be able to blog after going there as well. But till then, I hope to write as much as possible. In fact, I hope to write at least one post a day till I leave. Ok…Now I know what you are thinking and I fully agree- HOPE IS A GOOD THING….

The DOLEY Chronicles

Ok. This was inevitable. I just had to do it. This post is dedicated to one of the strangest and most weird character I have ever come across in my life. All fellow NITKians know him and would have surely interacted with him at some point of time or another. I am of course talking about the one and only Rajmohan Doley. I am writing this post without the slightest idea of the state (or absence) of his existence. But nevertheless, his was such a character that it warranted a post exclusively to delve into the depths of it.

I don’t exactly recollect when I saw him first in the hostel. Of what I do recollect, the first impression I got after seeing him was that he was well built and possessed a unique walking style.  And after you had heard him speak for like 10 seconds, you are likely to convince yourself that Timmy has a higher IQ. Throughout the 4 years, I think it would be safe to assume that he was the guy who spent the highest time in the library, but to hardly any effect! He was living in the same floor as I was and quickly became famous as the guy from Arunachal Pradesh (I think) who believed continuous exercising was the only way to improve his body (including the part in his brain). Now when I say exercising, I just don’t mean the gym going types. I am talking about a total exercise and body building freak here. One of my first encounters with this guy took place in the 1st year during the exams.

Without having the slightest idea what was in store for me, I coolly barged into my friend’s room with the sole intention to check on his (lack of) progress in his preparation. But the sight that met me when I opened his door and entered his room was not something I had even imagined possible. Because what I saw, was Doley in the room wearing only his trademark extra-short bermuda (which was so short, I suspect it also served as his underwear), oiling himself over his entire body (think ENTIRE) and then bending over to face the small mirror on the table and watching himself as he flexed his muscles in a true body building fashion. But what scared me more was when he turned to see me and said “Hi Akshay!” in his characteristic deep and piercing accent! And ten seconds later, I was back in my room trying to convince myself that nothing else had happened! Now, looking back, I really pity my friend who was in that room with Doley, trying to study with this dude oiling himself all over his body!

Since then, everytime I happened to pass within 50 feet of him, I was victimized by means of him greeting me “Hi Akshay!” in that same deep and piercing accent filled with god-knows-what intention. Soon that “Hi Akshay!” apparently was not enough for him and so everytime he saw me, he would begin to sing that horrible Akshay Kumar song ” Mein hoon seedhi saadhi Akshay Akshay!” and that got me so f***in scared at times because of the way he sang it! It was as if he was trying to communicate something to me!! And then in the second year, just when I hoped that he would end up in a different hostel, I got to know that he would be instead rooming 2 rooms to the left of mine! And thus it was in the second year, that I had some of the most harrowing experiences that I shall describe here.

Anybody who stayed in the Left wing of 3rd Hostel Block during the 2005-2006 year will definitely recollect the sudden onslaught of Murder songs blaring 24/7 from Room No. 17 and which also had this glaringly low audio quality! It just kept f***in playing on and on and just refused to stop! And none of us were sane enough to actually go and confront the guy playing those songs simply because the guy was Doley. And then my roommate gathered his guts and lack of sense to go and talk to Doley to either stop playing that f***ed up Murder songs, or to atleast reduce the volume. Well, the only thing that my room mate got for visiting his room was a big lecture on why music is good for human health and some other irrelevant gibberish! But he gathered one useful piece of information that explained the pronounced low audio quality of those murder songs. Apparently, he saw the actual “instrument” that was used to play those songs. Here is how he explained it to me:

” Do you know these 5.1 speakers- those which have 5 speakers and 1 woofer? Well, Doley has a 1.0!!!!”

WTF???

I did later confirm it when I just had a peep into his room and saw the single cassette player with just the small in built speaker blaring “Bheege hont tere….”

There was also another dimension to his unique character and that was his blatant (lack of ) hygiene. He continued to wear those same underwear-cum-shorts for all his activities (again, think ALL). Many of the days, there was no water in the bathrooms or toilets apart from the emergency tap (better known as Magic Tap). The usual practice was to get the maximum amount of water in your bucket, go to the toilet, finish your daily chores and get out. And one day again, completely oblivious to what I would be witnessing, I went to the bathrooms, standing in front of the mirror lined up above the long sink and began to brush. There was no water so I had filled my bucket with water enough for my brushing from the magic tap. And then as I was brushing, Doley pops up with his “Hi Akshay!”. I just smile weakly and continue brushing. He is still wearing the same stuff and only that. He takes his mug and fills water with it and goes to the toilet and locks the door. I try not to think of the size of the mug and continued brushing. Some time later, Doley emerges from the toilet and goes straight to the magic tap with his now empty mug and fills it and then goes back!!!!!!! WTF??????WTF????? I got so freaked out that I just ran!

And to now realize that some 40 0f us including me shared the bathrooms with him gets me the shivers!

But the most harrowing experience was yet to come. And if you were in NITK and I knew you well, I would have probably told you about it! But let me recollect it here for the benefit of the less fortunate.

I was sleeping when the power went off. I woke up out of instinct and checked the time on my mobile. It was around 4 in the morning. I looked around and it was pitch dark. Nothing, absolutely nothing was visible. I just lay on my bed, awake thinking of nothing in particular when suddenly the door of the room slams open and a voice reminiscent of a Tantrik, boldly starts chanting “OM NAMAH SHIVAYA! OM NAMAH SHIVAYA!!”

WTF??? I mean seriously WTF???!!!???

I was startled with the complete suddenness of the whole thing! I could faintly see a figure moving around in the room and THAT got me freaked out! I began to get all weird thoughts of whatever was happening then. Was it actually a Tantrik? Or was it some stranger who had lost his mind? I had no f***in clue what the f*** was happening! “Who is it?” I shouted. And then the familiar  voice of Doley responded,”Oh this is not Room 17?? Which room is this?” I told him which room it was and then he said,”Oh sorry sorry ok…” and then started making some noise which I supposed was some kind of expression of humor but which sounded more like some freaky warning signal! And as soon as he left, I just ran and bolted the damn door! I couldnt sleep after that and stayed awake in the dark. And after that, there was not a single day that I slept with my door unlocked!!

I am telling you that incident got me real freaked out for the rest of the second year! I soon developed some kind of phobia towards him that just refused to go away. He shifted to a different hostel block for the 3rd and Final Years and I hardly had an encounter that lasted longer than a “Hi Akshay!” and I was happy about it. But everytime I saw him, I really tried my best to avoid him and go somewhere else if I could.

I really have no idea where he is now or if he is still there! I am pretty much sure he still exists somewhere and that if, god forbid, I am to meet him ever again in my life, I am sure I will still be greeted with another piercing and deep “Hi Akshay!”

My Last 24 Hours @ NITK

This post is exactly 1 year late but I guess I deliberately waited for this day (or maybe I was just plain lazy).  Here I will be recollecting whatever I can of the last 24 hours of my life in NITK before I left it for good.  I left NITK on a bus at 9:30PM on April 24th 2008. And so my recollection starts at around 9:30PM on 23 April 2008.Aft

After the last Cricket match (titled the Aneesh Ghoshta and Sadanand Memorial Cricket Match) in the evening and subsequent bathing and dining, me, Sadanand, Logik, Hiran and Suhas decide to have one last TEA at the Nestle Maggi Center which was such an integral part in our first year. After ending up spending 100 bucks for “TEA” with some unexpected company, Hiran hit upon the idea of revisiting all the rooms that we stayed in the previous years. And so we began our “trip down memory lane” from 2nd Block where we first roomed (Room No. 16) to 3rd Block for my 2nd Year (Room No.19) and then to 4th Block for my 3rd Year (Room No.3). We all tried to recollect each and every one of our neighbours in the entire wing and it was also heartening to see my old room(19) still proudly displaying all my writings on the door and wardrobe. It was really a trip down memory lane.

I was done with drinking alcohol the previous night (for a full detailed description, see Post BTech High Series) and was just downloading from DC++ when Gayru and Choukkar turned up out of nowhere-with a bottle of Old Monk Rum in their hands. And so while we chatted for some time, they forced me to gulp down some of the Old Monk rum saying that THIS was the last night that I would be staying and so I had to do it. I did gulp down a bit. I remember playing “Another Harry’s Bar” by Jethro Tull while they were there and appreciating the relevance of its lyrics. Soon after they left, I realized that I couldn’t really waste my last night at NITK by sleeping.

And so I stayed awake the entire night-downloading stuff from DC++ and writing it on my DVDs. I ended up with about 60 DVDs of stuff by the time I was done. Bo and Bloodshot were the main sources of the downloads-both of them having been awake till late in the morning. And at around 5 in the morning, Vig, P and me went to Thadambail to have the early morning hot buns for the last time. It was as blissfully tasty as ever and I also learnt how Riise had scored an own goal in the dying seconds of the Chelsea-Liverpool Semi FInal FIrst leg of the UEFA Champions League that had got over a few hours back. We parted ways at around 6 and I left my computer for the final downloading session and went to sleep.

Got up at around 8 and began packing immediately. Perhaps the biggest disappointment was the fact that my computer-one of the biggest aspects of the 4 years- met a rather unceremonious end when I had to shut it down when the power went off. Too bad..coz I had planned on a final playlist that I would be playing before I would pack it. Well, that was not to be. But what was sure was most of my day being spent in packing and sending it through the courier. By late afternoon, I was more or less done with the packing and thought of meeting all the profs once before I left. But unfortunately none were to be found. But I did meet someone special on my way back to the hostel after just missing out on saying Goodbye to Gokul.

I did meet some interesting people for the last time. The 1st and 2nd Block cleaner-the guy who goes by the name of Darwin- was the recipient of a cool 50 bucks from my side for having been of immense help many a time during all the 4 years. I wanted to meet the mess workers of Mysore Mess 1 and say goodbye to them, but unfortunately I was really running short of time. So much so, I refused an invitation to accompany Sad and Hiran to the beach. Went around hunting for people to sign the yearbook but was disappointed by learning that many of my classmates had already left.  So I came back to my room and wound up my packing.

Then I just sat there in my room, taking a long last look at my room. There wasnt much to really look at. But it was still everything that I had. I put on my shoes and tossed my backpack around. Kept all my bags outside slowly and took the lock in my hands. Went out of the room and stood facing it. Hesitated for a moment and then I just shut the door and locked it for the last time. And that was it- Room 11, 8th Block, NITK. I went down the corridor and took one last look back and then went on to Pai’s room where I stayed for some more time. Pai offered me a ride to Reddy’s where my bus would come. But I declined it for I didn’t want to miss the last campus walk. Royan accompanied me to the bus stop where a sizeable crowd had already gathered to say goodbye. I for one, went around saying bye to people and enquiring what they were planning to do next. Then finally as my bus came, I realized that practically everyone I would have wanted to see then were around me. Royan, Shodi, P, Pai were all there. Sad and Hiran finally did turn up after their long visit to the beach.Even Logik turned up just before the bus left. I never could really part with Royan-what with me owing him so much for introducing me to alcohol- and so just told him that we dont part and that we would meet again. (I still haven’t met him after that). And so as I waited in the bus for it to leave, I began to think if I was going to actually get so sentimental that I would begin to cry. It didn’t take me long to answer that question. As the bus started and sped past the college campus, I just simply broke down. And the only thing I could think of was to open my bag and wear my NITK ring……

PS: I am writing this post sitting in the same hostel that I spent my final year in. Had come to meet all my teachers and having acheived that, spent my time well here with some alcohol and quite a bit of stuff as well. All thanks to my juniors who were still in the hostel when everyone else had vacated for the holidays.

Chronicles of an NITK Convocation

This post is very easily over 2 months late in appearing, but nevertheless I was finally able to finish and post it.

It was simply put, the 3 best days I have had in a long long time. Exceeding all my expectations and fantasies, I returned from my convo with a big smile on my face. Here I recollect all my memories from those 3 days.

After much delay and speculation, my convo date was finally fixed on Jan 31 2009. The day I was supposed to be bestowed upon with a Bachelor of Technology degree for my 4 years of improvised laziness and unproductivity. But my plans  included a lot more than just that. Considering the fact that I had been practically sober for over 5 months, my priorities took shape around appropriate issues. I also had a list of things to do in college which I held close to me during my stay there. So, in decreasing order of priority and importance, here is the list of what all I intended to accomplish:

1. Get drunk.
2. Get drunk and then get sloshed.
3. Go for a midnight inebriated walk around the campus.
4. Then get drunk again.
5. Meet all my teachers.
6. Eat the early morning hot Buns at Thadambail.
7. Meet all other relevant people.
8. Eat at 3rd Block Night Canteen.
9. Visit the beach and eat the egg omlette at the nearby shack.
10. Download as much as possible from DC++.
11. And not to forget, I was also supposed to collect my degree!

So with these objectives in mind, I set out to my college in a train accompanied by dozens of fellow to-be-graduates. After getting duly blasted by the TC for being over zealous in disturbing co-passengers who were not to-be-graduates, I went to sleep. At around 9:30 AM, I found Sadanand and myself camping in the same junior’s room and I couldn’t help being reminded that we were room mates once again. The junior looked exactly like how anyone would look half an hour prior to committing suicide. But then, that aside, there were a lot of changes worth noticing in and around the campus. The Highway was in impeccable condition, the new hostel blocks were towering at 7 storeys and a few new buildings were already up and running. But alas! One thing had apparently remained the same, as if in defiance to all the changes happening around-there was still no god damn water in the hostel blocks!

And so, at around 11, I finally met my classmates and went to speak to my teachers. It felt really nice to go back to where it all began for me. Met both my Geotech teachers because of whom I have whatever identity I got right now and informed them of my first admit. Needless to say, they were pretty happy as well. Had lunch at the newly opened “Suraj International” thinking there would be alcohol as well, but alas, they didn’t serve drinks. And soon after, I found myself in Mangalore watching Luck By Chance at Bharath Mall and I have to say, the movie was good.  But the best part of the day was yet to come.

Tul was conducting a quiz (unfortunately under sober conditions) and though I didn’t take part in it, it was anyway an informal affair with a lot of nice questions. Practically the entire quizzing gang had turned up for the quiz and stuck together to get drunk at the one and only Garuda Bar as well. Choukkar, the alcoholic had apparently been sloshed the entire day but didn’t mind  remaining that way for much longer. And as far as I was concerned, I was getting drunk with fellow alcoholics after more than 7 months-and thats all I cared about. And I was duly joined by my room mate alcoholic Sadanand who had, in the meantime, gone to Mangalore on a mission of utmost importance and almost succeeded completely! In spite of his failure, he had still gone one up on my To-do list! And so as he joined the drinking party already drunk,  it became very evident that he was enjoying it! And to add to the shady atmosphere, some old melodious Kannada songs started blaring in the Bar speakers and sounded real awesome! After most of the gang had left, we decided to call it quits at around 12:30 in the night with Gayru who had come all the way from IIM Kolkata and it was nice catching up and belting our very own Karadi. Finally, we ended up in one of our Junior-Harish’s-room nice and high, with plans of watching a movie. Those plans drastically changed 2 minutes into the movie when Sadanand just crashed and went off to sleep. So soon, even I left to my camping room- the dude with the suicide on his face-and went off to sleep.

I woke up early next day, slightly disoriented, wondering for a few seconds where I was and what had happened the previous night. Then when it all came back to me, I got ready and realized I had to get myself registered for the convo. So I went with Sadanand and got registered at the SJA and also convinced him to have the famed Idly-Vada-Sambar breakfast with me at our very own Mysore Mess-I. He was of the opinion that the mess worker would chase us once he found out that we were not students anymore. But nothing like that happened.  A new mess worker gave us the eye but let us eat all the idlis we wanted. And they were still awesome! Free Breakfast!

And as for the convocation itself, all of us were present at the SJA half an hour before time and that was sufficient time to catch up with all of the 18 classmates who had turned up. A dress code of white formal shirts with ties and black trousers and black shoes was flouted by many including me. In due time, the entire senate entered the auditorium to an entrancing music. All the members of the senate were clothed in a strange attire fitting their designations and the whole thing looked more like we were getting inducted into some major cult rather than getting our degrees! And so after all the formalities got underway, the speeches started. And after the speeches ended, the degree giving began. First to all the MTechs and MCAs and then to the BTechs. My parents had come and were watching from the first floor. And I have to say this: The moment I collected my degree which made me a Graduate of Civil Engineering from NITK Surathkal, I felt absolved of all my guilt and regret of not having made it into an IIT and was more than just happy to have spent 4 of my most memorable years here in NITK.

By the time I went back to my room, it was 530 in the evening and Sadanand left to Mangalore with a more noble objective. And I found myself in the company of Logik, Con and a certain female entity who had suddenly lost significant weight-headed for the beach. On the way, I was able to tick off one more on my To-Do list when I ate the Egg Omlette at the Egg Shack near the Lighthouse. Then, after some confusion, I found myself on the beach, sitting on the rocks, talking and catching up on old times for a very long time. It was almost 9 in the night when we decided to go back to the campus. Somehow, I wish I could have stayed there on those rocks feeling the breeze and hearing the waves splash, for a much longer time.

On my way back, I met my HoD and he was really happy to see me. Having been extremely co-operative and helpful during my course, I was really happy to see him as well. After a brief chat with him, I parked myself in front of my Dept for some more chatting session. Shortly, my junior and drink buddy for the night,Harish,  turned up from Mangalore and we both went to do what we were meant to do-get totally drunk. Adrian joined us for our drinking session, as promised. I opened my Black Dog Scotch which I had been saving for over 6 months just for this moment and raised a toast to my Convo. Half an hour later, the bottle is empty and so I open the Tetrapack of DSP that I had bought in the last week of my stay in the hostel. I had saved this too for this date. And after that also got over, Adrian hit upon this very useful idea and next thing I know, I have about 180ml of William Grant’s exquisite Scotch with me in my bottle. With that, we escape out of the hostel and all the way to my Dept, where we camp to finish the extra quarter Scotch. Time passes by and none of us 3 are in touch with it. After the Scotch gets over, I pay my tribute to my Dept by leaving behind all traces of alcohol consumption at the steps leading in front of the Dept Building. All 3 of us, totally drunk by now, head to SAC and talk more nonsense. Logik joined us shortly thereafter. After some more idle chat, I call up Royan (the main reason I am an alcoholic) and talk to him for about half an hour during which time he tells me something he did that suddenly spiked my respect for him. (Hail Royan! Thou art in a diferent continent and at a different level altogether! I Bow to thee!!) And soon after, my conversation with Royan ended, largely due to the zero balance that Adrian’s phone began to claim. However, the night was still young, and I was still pretty high. Harish had crashed on the stage where some Shamiana had been put up. I fulfilled another of my long standing goals by performing “Aqualung” in SAC to a non-Zero crowd with my air guitar! I then joined Adrian in singing “Turn the Page” to the same crowd.

Me and Adrian : ” …Smoke the day’s last cigarette..remembering what she said…what she said”

Adrian (immediately): Here I am!! On the road again!!

Me: Hey wait man! I need to play the lead still! (I walk into the front and play the lead!)

After the song is over and I have played the outro as well, Adrian finds Harish sleeping on the stage and upsets the support used to tie the Shamiana in place and lo and behold! This dude, suddenly springs to life and jumps out of the stage in a flash expecting the entire thing to come down on him-which incidentally didn’t happen. Nevertheless, we found ourselves at 3rd Block Night Canteen treated as the last customers for the night and I end up having some Vada Pav.Now i wish I had also had the Lassi.

I dont recollect what time it was exactly, but it was pretty late in the night-almost early morning. We head to the rooms to get some cash to eat the early morning hot buns at Thadambail and when I went back to the room, I was in for a treat! Though not officially on my To-Do list for the convo, it was always there at the back of my mind. And to do the stuff in that state of mind, at that time with fellow like-minded people (some of whom had passed out during their marathon 6 hour long session) and with copious amounts of Mint flavored Hukka, it was a lot more than I could ask for! All thanks to the DASA guys, my Convo experience was complete and perfect!

I was then officially and properly stoned and went in that state to Thadambail to have the hot buns. Every piece of the Bun-Sambhar combo was like an experience of  a sudden spike in the bliss factor. And with my senses in an extra alert state, I savored each and every moment of it! By the time I came back, daylight was just cracking open in the sky. I bid good night(morning) to fellow drunkards and went to sleep. Now THAT is what I would call A LONG AND MEMORABLE NIGHT!

Having checked off practically everything on my TO-Do list for the convo by then,  I realized I was relatively free when I woke up and so spent the rest of the day in peace. Just went to Mangalore for a short trip to meet a friend and that apart, I spent most of my time in the room filling up my newly bought hard disk with everything I could possibly lay my hands on in DC++. In the end, I found I could only fill around 160GB and not more, largely due to a blatant lack of time.

I finally pack and leave at around 6 and meet some juniors on the way. Although I would have wished to have spent more time with one of them, I still had a smile on my face when I finally boarded the bus and headed to the railway station.

And so there was my NITK Convocation. Couldn’t have been any better or perfect for me. Will remain as one of the most memorable times I have had in a long time!

My Comeback Post!

Before I say anything at all, this post is not for the faint hearted or for those looking for decency or decorum of any form. I am just pissed at my life and this post is just going to vent my ire on the present state of affairs.

Ok so here is my situation. I am out of my job. No it was not the fucked up recession- I just quit on health grounds. So right now have nothing to do but surf the net all day, laze around or at best, watch some movies and TV Series. Now in case all you working assholes think that being at home doing what I am doing is better than your fucked up workplace, well fucking think again. This aint half as good as it looks like. All I got now, is a fucked up computer with an unpredictable net connection, loads of books which I am trying to read simultaneously (8 at last count) and a fuckin inability to go out often thanks largely to my perpetually fucked up health. So what the fuck am I doing right now? Well, for one, I finally got my ass down to right a post after like ages together of inactivity. Then I sleep. I sleep till I fuckin wake up by myself. You understand what that means you suckers? No damn work or committment makes me keep some god damn alarm at 7 in the morning spoiling all the excitement that I get from the only one source of entertainment- my fuckin dreams. Yeah thats how fucked up my life is right now.

So what else am I doing? Well for one, I am definitely waiting a lot-waiting to get out of this shithole called this country to study what I want and guess what? I am on my fuckin way! UK looks like the likely destination but frankly speaking, I still have not yet decided. So if any of you morons suddenly feel the urge to enquire about which continent I am headed to, then expect me to use the choicest of the slangs which will necessarily include the word Fuck followed by or embedded in I DONT KNOW. I got two admits in UK so far.  And yeah I am quite happy about that. But I aint decided anything yet. So if any of you still asks me where the fuck I am going, dont be surprised if I use more than just FUCK OFF in my reply.

My last few weeks have been largely spent in the cyberspace and on the wasted Idiot Box. I did have a drink with my dad though last weekend. Mom had gone out of station-to a pretty boiling Bijapur-on some office related work-thanks largely because of her “Promotion” to an Audit Officer. The drink lasted exactly one hour and included discussing arbit shit and listening to my dad talking the same stuff for over like some 15 years now. But I was liking the whisky-Blender’s Pride- and just concentrated on that and the extra-ordinary car chase sequence in the movie RONIN that was being played on Star Movies. Perhaps, one major achievement that I was able to do in the meantime was to watch DEVD. If you have not watched it, then go watch it. Then watch it again. And then watch it some 10 times more. And after all that, if you still find the movie  mediocre or bad or just OK, then go fuckin die somewhere. You seriously do not deserve to exist on this planet. There is one fact and one fact only. Anurag Kashyap and Amit Trivedi are the new GODS of film making and Music Direction respectively. And if any of you wasted nimrods even as much as think about saying anything less credible, consider yourself the biggest fuckin douchebag on the planet.  I loved the music so much, I actually for once in 6 years, went and purchased an original CD of  DEV D. It cost me just 145 bucks and I would have gladly paid 500 bucks for it. I listen to the entire fuckin CD some 3-4 times a day and will continue to do so till God Knows when. Anyway me going to watch DEV D again this weekend with Sadanand, famous in this blog largely for spending 4 fuckin years in the same room with me. Also of late he has a different claim to fame. He has made a complete mockery of the dreaded CAT exam by going there with exactly ZERO preparation except probably getting his ass down to the exam centre (which is a big thing for him trust me) and giving a quite significant middle finger to the exam and then getting ALL the FUCKING SIX CALLS from the IIMS. Now all you wasted wannabees who enrol yourselves in all these wasted CAT Coaching classes spending thousands like morons and slogging your ass of for the major part of 2-3 years and then not even figuring in any of the IIM call lists, all I have to say is this:

for(n=1;n++)

{MOCKING LAUGHTER}

Of course it will be the greatest disaster known to mankind if this dude fails to convert any of his calls, but I have a feeling that is not likely to happen.

Just a small thing aside my rantings. I recently met my friend who had somehow, for whatever strange reason, decided to wear her Salwar instead of her habitual Pants and shirts. The first thing that struck me was that this Salwas stuff was actually quite a feminine looking thing. Then I didn’t understand why the fuck all these girls wear all these manly masculine things like pants and shirts and all that. This female was, for a change, looking very very very very feminine in her new never-before and never-again tried attire. And I told her that like some thousand times and somehow she just couldnt accept the fact that she was looking awesome in that new type of dress. She later told me that that was the only Salwar she owns and that all the rest of her wardrobe is necessarily filled with masculine stuff. I haven’t seen her since but something tells me she reverted back to her masculine looking Shirts and Pants and all that.  She is also the same female who took an auto rick from Bangalore Central to Garuda Mall and then back from Garuda Mall to Bangalore Central paying in excess of 70 bucks for a 200m drive! ROFL!!!!ROFL!!!!ROFL!!!!!! Taking a rick for 200m when you can actually see one building from the other!!! Oh man! Now THAT is something!!!She also asked me not to tell any of this on my blog here for fear that someone living some half the planet away might get upset. Hey dude (you know who you are): you upset man???

Apart from all that, I have to say my blogging has fuckin sufferred. There was never a time when I went for more than a month without writing. I wrote shit and I wrote some more shit. But I wrote some shit atleast. Now I have like 3 fuckin drafts in my wordpress account which I haven’t been able to complete in all the free fuckin time I have had the past few weeks. Among them are my trip to IIT Madras to see Opeth, my even more memorable NITK Convocation, and also the recent Maiden concert in bangalore. I cant believe I havent finished these posts still. I cant believe I havent done any fucking constructive work for the past few weeks. I have never felt so fuckin dead in a long fuckin time.

Every fuckin day I wake up at like-whenever I wake up- and I brush my teeth and eat whatever makeshift breakfast my dad has prepared. Then watch some wasted TV or try my best not to get frustrated when my fuckin Internet connection isn’t working. Then go have some lunch in my granny’s place or my aunt’s place and then come back and try to convince myself that I am still alive and that I am not dreaming. Oh wait, I dont think I do the last part. My dreams are way more exciting to convince myself otherwise. Perhaps the only damn constructive activity I have been doing over the past few weeks is to teach my cousin some math for her Tenth Board exams and to teach my other cousin some multiplication before she is taught that in a routine wasted way at her school. I have also been writing a shitload of essays for some scholarship that I have absolutely no damn hopes on and submitting it like 10 minutes after the deadline and then thinking it is too late only to realize that it was not and that I am still eligible for being considered for the scholarship. And oh yeah, I have been having this very interesting and totally unexpected role to play as the guy who can end up breaking up a 5 year old strong relationship, involving his extremely close freind, heading for marriage, with astrology. Ok now, seriously What the Fuck am I doing with my life? I feel so fuckin dead, I dont even know what the fuck I am doing anymore.

So what the fuck is needed to make me feel better? I have no fuckin clue. Probably a bottle of whisky with all my alcohol buddies and some Floyd in the background will help. But thats as far as my brain can work. I don’t know why the fuck I wrote all this and that too in this wasted FUCKED up manner using more slang in this one post than all of my 100 posts combined. I guess that can be easily attributed to this new TV Series I have been watchin- CALIFORNICATION-about a guy who, well, fucks women and then writes and then still believes his ex-wife will come back to him and then fucks some more women. Thats one of the very few good things that has happened to me of late. Not the women fucking part, but the TV series part.

I think I am done here. I said all I wanted to say. I have sworn all I wanted to swear. And I still dont have any fucking clue what I am going to do for the rest of the day or rest of the hour or even rest of the fuckin minute.

Aaah! This shit sucks!!

Starr- Studded Palin!

This is to all the NITK guys who know exactly what I am talking about. Here CASPER refers to a certain entity presently in NITK who likes to associate with the likes of Popeye. Everything else is self-explanatory.

My Status Message on GTalk: Sarah Palin reminds me of  Mrs. Starr Foursome…Seriously!!!!

CASPER: Who is Sarah Palin???!!!??!!

ME: WTF????!!!?????

Ah! Ignorance is truly Bliss!!

The Night of The Black Dog…

Considering the fact that the number of comments to this post hit double digit even before any content was uploaded, I decided to upload the content lest certain people doubt the veracity of my claims. But more importantly I had to upload the content to brush aside certain highly improbable and demeaning claims made by fellow alcoholic blogger Logik.

Me and My Black Dog

Now before you comment on the photo, I would like to thank you for your appreciation of my exceptional photography skills. It took a lot of trial and error to finalize the settings for the photo to create maximum effect!
Anyway, so that was what I wanted to write about. About how I very constructively blew my first salary. That’s what this is all about.  After having waited impatiently for a long time, ever since I first tasted some excellent Scotch whisky in the form of Chivas Regal, I was finally able to buy some myself. It was just that I wanted to buy it from my own money. And that finally took shape in the form of my first salary wherein I spent a cool 1500 bucks to get 2 bottles of Black Dog Scotch Whisky-Aged 12 Years! And so amidst the cool breeze, began THE NIGHT OF THE BLACK DOG!
This time it was just my cousin who introduced me to the marvel that is Scotch, my Dad and me savouring the smooth 12 years old whisky with select songs by Jethro Tull playing in the background. I mainly chose Black Dog due to my prior memorable experience with it when I had been to the Kenny G concert wherein they had served Black Dog as a complimentary gesture. And it was worth every drop that went in me. And when I deeply inhaled and took in the fragrance of the age old Scotch, I realized that this was what they called The Sweet Smell of Success…
As the night rolled on, Dad started “My Experiments with Alcohol-Pre Marriage” and it was nice to hear from him some of his early trysts with Old Monk Rum. I began to talk about how in one of my Post B.Tech High series, me and my fellow Alcoholics (Logik and Shiverbay) were well, drinking alcohol (what else?), listening to Hey Joe by Jimi Hendrix and simultaneously belting juniors in DC++. Of course, I was the renowned COW INSPECTOR on the Hub and then some dude popped up a “Hey Cow!” on the Main Chat. The drunk state I was in, I was curious to see who it was. That dude’s nick was JOE and so we typed “HEY JOE!!!” and then we couldn’t stop ourselves from rolling on the floor and laughing! If you ask what’s the funny part, well then I can clearly say you have never been drunk in your life! (Get a life!) But at that time, we just couldn’t control ourselves. And as I was explaining this to my Dad, he looked at me if I was alright or already high. And so I further explained that it seemed funny then and not any other time. ( Damn the generation gap! )

The One that Eats, Sleeps and Screws around..

 

And then the time came for what Logik would now term as the Clichéd Midnight Inebriated Walk. Well my cousin and I did have the walk and Blackie(see photo), the other Black Dog  which eats, sleeps and humps, followed us outside its territorial boundaries and in the process made a sincere effort to make its presence felt by leaving copious amounts of you-know-what everywhere it went! And as we trekked up the steep road, Blackie suddenly disappeared, only to reappear on our way down. Apparently there were about 8-10 cantankerous dogs just a small distance up the slope and if this thing had gone up there, I really doubt if it would have come back down. And so as we made the return walk, high on Black Dog, and in the company of the Black Dog, THE NIGHT OF THE BLACK DOG finally ended.

And so now let me focus on the dubious and baseless claims made by fellow alcoholic blogger Logik. Firstly, he claims that the makers of the highly potent Mysore Lancer have come up with a product to rival Black Dog and aptly named it Die Bitch- presumably in memory of the hostel bitch which died due to excessive humping!  And he further claims that Die Bitch can beat up the Black Dog with ease. Well, rest assured, as the Die Bitch will never come as far as Black Dog. The only consequence of this whole act would be the second coming of the “Die Bitch Humping”-and this time courtesy Blackie, the other Black Dog which eats, sleeps and humps for a living.

 

So people behold the unrivalled domination of THE BLACK DOG! No Die (or DEAD) Bitch can come anywhere close!

And before I forget, THE NIGHT OF THE BLACK DOG saw only ONE of the TWO bottles being emptied. The other bottle is still fully intact.
CALLING ALL FELLOW ALCOHOLICS FROM NITK TO SHARE THE REMAINING BLACK DOG!

PS: I was listening to Budapest by Jethro Tull when I was high and I couldn’t help but substitute the phrase “Hot Night in Budapest” with “The Night of The Black Dog”! And it was actually fun doing it-then.

III Block Night Canteen Beckons……

 

What do you do when you just refuse to get sleep and want to go eat something? Now I dont know. I guess I just drink some water and try getting some sleep anyway. But some time ago, there was this thing called III Block Canteen at NITK.

“Swami, Ondu Half Fry matthe ondu Lassi….Swalpa Bega Kodi!!”

And somehow I was always captivated by the menu, so obnoxiously explicit in its acknowledgement of the fact that the canteen owner was more interested in the prices part rather than the item part, that I had to do this piece of free publicity. But of course, this was the state of the menu sometime in March this year. I would really like to know what the state is now though. Any updates anyone?

PS: Photos Courtesy Paul Savio

Of Stabs and Handbags…

There is something about me that invites my fate to stab me every time I am on to something big. Those aware of my GREat disaster will know the nuances behind my complaints. After that disaster, everything was going on just fine. I had a wonderful final year and particularly a memorable final semester at NITK. All this time, the prospect of me pursuing my higher studies in a good University next year around had always been my driving force. And things got even better when I almost landed myself in a good project after college got over. But unfortunately, my very close companion Mr. Fate found it convenient to metamorphose into some very frustrating formalities which have now dragged over for 2 months and don’t seem to be getting anywhere. And amidst all this, I again find myself being the sole target of the stabs- a situation with which I have now become quite familiar.

But it may not be over for good. For there is still the possibility of these formalities actually sorting themselves out. But I am not getting my hopes up as I know how I react when my expectations are not met. And so having already ditched the job offer that I had earned during my stay at college, I now find myself in a really precarious position, tension and uncertainty looming large over my future plans. It remains to be seen what I can possibly garner out of this present mess that I have got myself into.

And on the other hand, the past one week has been quite eventful in terms of me actually crossing the boundaries of my home. This has largely been a consequence of a certain bag hunting expedition I volunteered myself into. The expedition consisted of the following main objective:

Purchase a Handbag with the following specifications:

1. It should have 2 compartments on the inside apart from the secret compartment that is usually seen.

2. It should be big enough to fit in the following items: a stethoscope, an apron, a lunch box and a horde of other stuff hitherto unknown to the male species.

3. It should be dark colored. Preferably dark shades of brown.

4. It should have a small compartment on the outside, the sole purpose of which is to store a mobile phone.

5. It should not be damaged. (For the definition of ‘damaged’, please read further).

6. And lastly, the budget limit was Rs.1200

The search began at around 1 on a sunny afternoon in the famed complex of Jayanagar 4^th Block- widely acclaimed to be the one stop for virtually any form of shopping. It was initially agreed that the search would continue in other parts of Bangalore in case the bag with the above mentioned specifications was not purchased in Jayanagar. And so it began, the Great Bag Hunting Expedition of my holidays. First stop was the bag shop from where I had purchased a gift (a bag of course) to my co-hunter on the latter’s birthday last year round. Unfortunately, but not to my surprise, my co-hunter, who had laid down the above mentioned specifications, was not able to find a bag that satisfied the same. And so we went to the adjacent shop, whose owner had done a tremendous job at displaying the maximum number of bags possible outside his shop with the sole intention of wooing a customer. And when I entered the shop, I had mentally prepared to be leaving that place in the next few minutes and in the exact state as we had entered it. But to my surprise and relief, my co-hunter actually found a bag that satisfied the above specifications. The price quoted too was well within the limit at 750. But it was deemed to be unfairly priced and so I had to enter into the loquacious part of negotiating the same. I was able to successfully lower the price to 650, after which, we paid the price and left the place with the realization dawning on me that I had somehow pulled off the seemingly formidable task of finding a bag satisfying the specifications.

But for the next 1 hour, as we tried to locate a place to eat, I was subjected to, what can now be called, a totally avoidable and invalid bout of criticism over my bargaining skills. It would be over and over repeated that I could have stuck to my initial stand of 600 for the bag instead of raising my valuation to 650, the eventual price at which we bought it. Now why I called the whole criticism as invalid and avoidable was because in about 1 hour, I found myself staring blankly and helplessly at the sight of the bag being returned to the shop after there were certain “damages” found on the inside part of one of the compartments. Here ‘damages’ are understood to include any ‘invisible’ marks which are discovered and claimed significant only by the female species, and where any effort to persuade a revaluation of the magnitude of the damage, or the lack of it, is very spontaneously met with cold stares conveying the lack of the ability to find an undamaged bag on part of the male species.

And so we continued our search for the “undamaged” handbag. Within one hour, we had successfully exhausted all the bag shops in and around the entire complex. The prospect of visiting a new shop with the intention of purchasing a handbag began to take the form a seemingly impossible task- considering the fact that we had already visited about a dozen bag shops in Jayanagar alone and rarely found anything closely resembling the bag that was there in my co-hunter’s head! And so we changed the locality. Just a few kms south was another shoppers’ haven- Gandhi Bazaar. The famed DVG Road with all its numerous shops promised a lot. But here is what happened:

Shop no. 1 was very dark, what with Bangalore getting less power than the entire state of Orissa. And in spite of that, the bag was found! But alas! Albeit the very crucial 2-compartment thing. And after that, our visits to the shops in Gandhi Bazaar very closely followed this algorithm:

Step 1: Set n=2.

Step 2: Go to shop No. n

Step 3: Unsuccessfully search for the bag in Shop No. n.

Step 4: n=n+1

Step 5: Go to Step 2.

At around 7 in the evening, after ‘n’ had reached a value sufficiently large for me to lose count of, we realized that the only thing we had learnt during the entire process of Bag Hunting was that Bags were more expensive in Gandhi Bazaar than in Jayanagar! Further, we also realized that the previous realization was not exactly a worthwhile one and so we decided to call off the Bag Hunt! (Yay!)But, to my dismay, I soon learnt that that was not meant to be the end of the shopping ordeal. The end of the Bag Hunt simply meant no Bag Hunting. Apparently it never meant no Bracelet Hunting or no Ear-Ring Hunting!

And so I trodded on to the nearest shop which was well known to sell the above new items. And so I entered the shop. Immediately I sensed that something was not right. I felt something out of place. Something was definitely out of place. I looked around again and I realized that amidst the sizeable crowd there, I was the only one of the Male species hanging around. I realized I was out of place there! And so I made a hasty rush to the exit, only to be interrupted by my co-hunter (now the only hunter) to judge whether the bracelet with the even number of designs (or whatever you choose to call it) was better or the one with the odd number of designs was better. After weighing my options, I realized that I didn’t have many. So I pretended to judge them and strongly suggested the even numbered one. Immediately after that, I made for the exit. (I would later learn that the bracelet that was bought was neither the even numbered one nor the odd numbered one.) And as I was performing the impatient task of waiting outside, I suddenly became aware of the more masculine feel that was there all around me. I looked at a guy sitting on a parked bike and saw a middle aged man doing the same next to him on his own scooter. And then it hit me! These were not just men sitting on bikes! These were fellow sufferers who were waiting for their better halves to show up from the shop! And after this realization dawned on me, I couldn’t help but acknowledge the tacit understanding that we had!

And so finally at around 7:30 in the night, we left back, each to our own homes, after a highly unsuccessful search for a much needed hand bag. Incidentally, two days later, I get a message saying that my co-hunter had gone in search of the bag at all the other acclaimed places in Bangalore-namely Commercial Street, Malleshwaram, Rajajinagar etc. And came back with nothing more than an increased level of frustration. And so the message told me that the mission to buy a new bag was finally called off, the hunter having been convinced that fate is not going to allow it!

YAY!

And so that was as far as my week has been….

PS: To all the guys from NITK who will soon be leaving to US for their MS or PhDs, Good Luck and do well wherever you go. I might be applying there next year!

So What Ya Doing????

And I have been finally successful in taking up the herculean task of getting my lazy self to sit in front of the computer and write a damn post! Dormancy has achieved new meanings and standards in the past 2 weeks of my life, thereby punctuating the dire need for a change in my bovine existence. Seeing no point in pursuing the so very valid reasons for my dormant state of affairs, I decided to write something. But alas! My past 2 weeks have been filled more with sleeping, eating, crapping, more crapping (yeah my stomach’s gone to the docks!), eating again, and finally when I am not doing any of the above, you would probably find me just aimlessly surfing on the net looking for something to excite me. And so, very conveniently indeed, I had nothing to say. And so I successfully fought against the temptation to write a graphic post on how the lizard in my room ate the ant and then went on to eat the other ant as well.

And so here I am. With nothing to write and yet writing. That’s because I just now thought of something to write about. Well it has been over 2 months since I got out of college and my hostel for good. In there, it wouldn’t have meant a thing to see what the guy next door was up to. But now that we are all out for good, I thought maybe let me make a list of what other guys from college are doing of late. Most of the people here are the people I have known really well. So here goes….

1. Sadanand: My Room mate for all the 4 years in the hostel. Presently working(??????) at LSI Logic ( I think that’s the spelling) as a Chip Designer and regularly passing on some vital information about someone relevant to me.
2. Royan: The guy who taught me how to play the guitar and more importantly, how to drink alcohol. Apart from the fact that I shall forever be in debt to him for the alcohol part, I think I have largely repaid his debt, considering the amount of stabs I received towards the end of the semester! Has begun writing again, considering the amount of time he has to waste. Anyway, he is on his way to University of Michigan and right now you are most likely to find him playing his Washburn guitar at his home. In case you don’t find him there, then search again in the corners. He has a fetish for corners!
3. Abhishekh Upadhya: After his successful return from the annual tasters’ convention in Nagaland, this Udupi chap has relinquished Broadband internet in favor of some Dial Up connection and is known to be getting prepared to head to Bangalore soon. Apart from his very passionate hobby of tasting ’stuff’, hereby unknown to us, he is also involved in sometimes writing some stuff on his blog. One of his latest exploits include a feedback to Chetan Bhagat on the 3 Mistakes of his life. Perhaps of more significance is one particular comment by a chap named KOMAL.
4. Suhas: (a.k.a Trukka, Masai) Proud of his alleged admit to NCSU, this particular chap tried to learn Keyboards in a matter of 3 months and last I heard, he was giving me some ‘reasons’ as to why it didn’t work out and so switched to blogging. Close on the heels of getting some not-so-desirable attention on Appar’s Blog, and getting royally belted therein, this chap has started something remotely resembling a blog under the name TRUKKA. His latest indulges into the blogosphere include a 1984 book review which, along with the ’spoilers’, runs into less than what you would probably find at the back of the book! A lot of us would agree that Masai is in some way perhaps trying to get back at Appar by starting his own blog wherein he can air his own views and probably a post involving some payback. But all said and done, I just feel that Masai doesn’t have it in him to go all the way. So when he is not writing in his blog, you can find him developing some new fetishes-the latest being that of wearing a pair of prominent magnetic ear rings! Somehow what Hiran told me yesterday keeps ringing in my head: “Suhas seems to be very good at attracting beltings from everywhere” or something to that effect! (I am now very keenly expecting Suhas’ take on this and his subsequent attempts to do some pay back as well)
5. Hiran: The guy next door in Final Year. This dude is going to NCSU, if I am not mistaken, and last I heard, is preparing for his Visa interview.
6. Aniruddha PN: The only thing I know about this guy is that he is blogging regularly and with some really notable short stories with some very delicate description.
7. Julie: The guy in the other next door in final year and fellow Civil guy. Last I heard, he has been learning drums. I presume his work at Al-Naboodah is yet to start.
8. Fother: When not updating his status messages, I presume he is just plain stoned.
9. Appar: As far as I can figure out from his blog posts, he has started his work at Adobe and when not working, he has been updating his previously stagnant blog regularly now. His blog posts include a royal belting of Suhas, as mentioned above and some other arbit stuff.
10. Shashank Prassanna: The only update I have about this guy is his status message in GTalk which described, in one single line, his day by day experience at his Oracle office.

    Of course, there are a lot more people I could write about. But I am not really sure where they are or what they are doing. So if you are reading this post and do not find your name above, then do leave a comment as to what you are up to. And as for myself, I am still waiting for some formalities to get over with so I can start my project at IISc.