Bliss Factor

It has been close to two months now, since I set foot here in America. Two months of experiencing something new and experiencing it first hand. And I like it here. Thats just it. I simply, like it here. Maybe its the small size of the town, or maybe its the nice climate, or maybe its the excitement of meeting new people. Perhaps, it may just be about how happy and contended I feel about my decision to come here. Whatever maybe the reason, I can, without any hesitation, say that I like it here

PEACE...

Perhaps I could attribute a major portion of my satisfaction to my program including the professors and the facilities that come along with it. Not to forget some very like minded classmates that I have been able to befriend. It is difficult to express the bliss I feel everytime I decide to study and find people around me actually encouraging me to spend time studying. This in contrast with all the mockery and ridicule I faced back in India during Undergrad while trying to do the same (And incidentally, unlike most of the other programs, I find that there is just one more Indian in my class). It really is something different to be in a position to decide to study at any point and actually be able to do it well. And the way ideas and concepts revealed themselves when I recently immersed myself in a topic for a few hours, reminded me of the long forgotten raw bliss, the experience of which was my only purpose in life. And now, when I realize that I really don’t have anything else on my mind and that  my greatest concern is about submitting my assignments on time, I am quite certain that this is the time when I can go back to fulfilling that purpose.

There have been a whole load of things that have definitely contributed to my bliss here. One of them, and inevitably I have to say, is alcohol. After discovering that Beer is cheaper than water here, my weekends have inevitably involved at least 2 l of Beer, the operative words being “at least”. The entire town just comes alive on Friday nights when every single person is likely to be found in some or the other pub/bar. If you want to see and appreciate the feminine beauty in this place, you need to necessarily visit downtown bars on a Friday night. Beer is really such an everyday concept that it is almost considered a taboo if you do NOT drink beer! And you will know you are in America when you find yourself drinking a whole load of beer and wine with all your professors in their home! In fact, that was part of the icebreaker arranged for everyone in my program and to which I had taken the Bhel Puri that I had prepared myself (Ellarigu Kadlepuri Thinnisdhe!!).

And then there is this whole new experience of seeing skin. You know it for a fact; you have been prepared for it; you have seen them in all Hollywood movies- but irrespective of all of that, when you see that extra piece of feminine skin in front of your own eyes, it is only then that you truly understand that you are indeed far, far away from home! Seriously speaking, sometimes you see some females wearing such clothes that you really wonder why they even need to wear whatever they are wearing. And everytime you feel you are getting used to it, there comes along a girl wearing a dress that makes you go “WTF??!!???” all over again. Not that I am complaining, but its just the fact I have seen more skin here in the past 2 months than I had seen in my entire life previously.

Technology and infrastructure take whole new meaning in here. The fear of getting sued for millions of dollars has probably put everyone on the path to perfection. And so you will find internet connections of 7Mbps which basically means that I (FINALLY) get to watch 4 Champions League matches simultaneously! Pandora and MySpace become the two new sources of music that I have never gotten tired of exploring. Of course, with all this, the price we pay is the inability to download torrents without ending up in jail. But I think I will settle for that.

And with regard to my food, about which I had cribbed so much last time around, I have to say that my culinary skills have vastly and very quickly improved. I find it extremely easy and nice to cook twice a day. And make no mistake here. I am not talking about bland stuff like rasam or Upma. I am talking serious cooking like Sambhar with different vegetables, different gravies, dal palak, dal, Akki Rotti, Veg Pulao, Peas Pulao, Shavige bath, Brinjal and Capsicum Bath, egg curry etc. I somehow am pleasantly surprised myself that I am able to cook everything with such ease.

And so, on the whole, I have to say that, contrary to my expectations,  I really don’t have anything to crib about here. And, having been at the receiving end of many plans-in-life-going-wrong, I am not setting any long term goals nor am I making any plans as to where I will be when. I am just going with the flow, letting the system take me wherever it is supposed to take me and all I am concerning myself with are my assignments and tests. Everything else seems to either fade away or just fall into place. Such a certainty in having made the perfect decision comes but very rarely……

And I am going to a METALLICA concert on October 17. LIFE IS GOOD…..FINALLY!

Updating my Existence

It has been a very eventful few weeks I have to say. Maybe not so much on my blog as off it. And now I am finally all settled and ready to venture into some unknown territory (read continent). So in order not to disappoint my (continuously and inevitably) diminishing reader count, I have embarked upon this new post just to shed some light on all the various exciting stuff (and I am not talking about Michael Jackson) that I might at some point of time use as an excuse for my diminishing posting frequency. So in no particular order, here goes:

1. After months together of internal and external debate and tearing myself apart and some subsequent coin tossing, I finally decided to shift continents-from Europe to North America. More specifically, from Imperial College London to Virginia Tech. There were a lot of pros and cons for each of them. VT was simply better in all aspects including finance, research exposure etc. But Imperial College had Stamford Bridge next door! (God Damn it!) But then, after talking for hours over the phone with Royan, who repeatedly drilled into me (and I have to say, in a biased manner) that USA is a better place etc etc, and then with some first hand info from a VT student, I finally made the call and I am now fully happy that I made the right one. But I guess, in the end, it all really boiled down to Royan’s tireless efforts to make me apply to VT in the first place. And for that (and of course the alcohol inspiration), I think he has more than made up for all the stabs in the hostel!
2. Of course, the decision making was only the beginning of what was to be an extra-ordinarily painful ordeal of applying for a bank loan and getting all the visa documents readied. And after months together of effort, I finally got my visa a few days back and now I know for sure where I am going. And a word of suggestion about bank loans-and this stems solely from my own experience: I strongly recommend CANARA BANK for all your education loans. I have been extremely impressed by the speed and manner in which all my formalities were handled and am also indebted to all the people involved who made it possible for me to get my Loan approved before my Visa interview.
3. Also worth mentioning, just a few weeks back, I almost got rammed into from behind by a speeding Indica late in the night. All thanks to a speed breaker built at a particularly inappropriate zone (and the subsequent marking of that zone as “dangerous”), I could have as well not lived to write this. Watching an Indica do a complete 180 topple some 3 feet behind you when you are in a lame 2 wheeler is not exactly exciting. More so when you realize that the driver did what he did just to avoid ramming into me! But miraculously, the driver escaped without as much as a scratch! And I ‘escaped’ from the accident scene soon after- for reasons Logik didn’t bother to reveal as well. Oh and BTW, it took me some 5 days to get out of my house with the same lame  wheeler again.
4. And so having found insane amounts of time at my disposal in recent months (apart from the harrowing visa process), I hit upon this idea of doing something more constructive and substantial. I realized that I could not really get into any job as such. So I turned my attention to my writing. Having been really impressed and inspired by some of the books and blogs that I have been reading lately, I started a new blog dedicated solely to the adventures and escapades of certain characters that I developed. The blog is here. It mainly consists (or will consist) of a series of short stories about the life of a 22 year old guy who finds himself in the middle of a lot of unusual situations. The stories are almost completely original, with only a very few instances based upon something that I have seen or experienced. Realizing the inevitability of basing a character on oneself, I have made a conscious effort not to base the main character Samir on myself. I have started this new blog with quite a bit of seriousness and hope to atleast write one post every week from now on. As of now, I have only written one post and it is about Samir losing his virginity. I wish I could say this one was based on my own experiences, but alas no. So please do follow the blog (you will find the link at the adjacent column always) and I hope to keep my end of the deal of updating it regularly as well.
5. In celebration of my Visa arrival, there was a sizeable party at my house with an even more sizeable presence of alcohol. So much so, I still have leftovers. The party may be remembered for such things like me preparing the World’s worst cocktail (and my subsequent failure at that) consisting of Shark Tooth Vodka, Grappo Fizz, Godrej Xs KIWI juice, Coke and some Blue Riband Gin as well. Also of note, is how my cousin will always forever rue that night to be the one time his younger sister beat him to a certain feat, a fact that will hitherto remain secret from their mother.
6. After what seemed like a virtual impossibility, I finally went to Wonderla with a couple of friends, one of whom is better known here in this blog for her involvement in a certain handbag hunting expedition. The trip, though initially threatening to make me feel worse, eventually exceeded my expectations and has definitely become something that I will remember for a long time.
7. I am presently in the midst of a shopping and meeting people spree, largely due to the 17 days that I have left in this country. I will maybe have a  few more drinking sessions before I leave and am presently in the process of learning the nuances of cooking at home. Any of you people ready to play guinea pig please feel free to drop by.

So there it is. Some of the things that define ‘exciting’ for me. I will be leaving to Virginia on August 2 with a Junior of mine from college and hope to be able to blog after going there as well. But till then, I hope to write as much as possible. In fact, I hope to write at least one post a day till I leave. Ok…Now I know what you are thinking and I fully agree- HOPE IS A GOOD THING….

How NOT to pay a tribute to Michael Jackson

This post is my tribute to Michael Jackson and in this, I shall describe in full detail exactly how NOT to pay a tribute. This post is essentially a response to an editorial piece that appeared in The New Indian Express the day after MJ’s death which can be found here. The piece was written by the Editor-in-chief Mr. Aditya Sinha himself and is titled “POP GOES THE KING.” I would suggest the reader to first read the editorial piece and then read my response to that.

First, let us set the context right. This editorial appears the day after the entire world is shocked to learn about MJ’s death. I for one, having been a long time admirer of his works, was particularly disappointed. The entire world flooded the internet with messages paying tribute to the king of pop. Practically every news channel was running the same story. Now this being the case, I open the editorial the next day and I found an article titled “Pop goes the King” which essentially described why One person (Mr. Sinha) considered Michael Jackson as someone “who lacked dignity at his core.”

The article can very easily be classified as the point of view of one single individual as most of the comments that he has made inevitably involve “I never really liked…”, “My objection to…”, “I could not understand…”, “I was ready to believe….”, “I almost feel sorry for….” etc.  In fact the article itself begins with “I never really liked Michael Jackson…”. The article thus begins with such a self-centered approach and the same tone is carried on throughout without giving the slightest explanation as to why the writer’s personal preference and opinion should necessarily constitute the real image of the person in question. There is absolutely no basis provided for any of the conclusions that are drawn apart from the writer’s own preferences and very clearly biased points of view. Let me elaborate with some quotes.

In the very beginning, Mr. Sinha states “My objection to Michael Jackson’s songs was that they were too stupid for me and appealed to the lowest common denominator.” Apart from the very obvious reference to HIS OWN tastes, it should be noted that he terms that MJ’s songs were “too stupid”  for him. Not caring to elaborate on what exactly constituted the “stupid” part in all of the celebrated Michael Jackson catalog, he goes on to state that the songs appealed to the “Lowest common Denominator.” And in the next sentence he goes on to state who or what he considered as the Lowest Common Denominator. He says “After all, which college intellectual wants to share his musical tastes with grandmothers and 13-year-old girls?” Now apart from the very obvious point that so many high profile people in various capacities around the world are big fans of MJ, I am curious about one thing. If it can be considered that, say, Pink Floyd songs are not stupid (if you disagree, kindly leave this blog), and assuming that Mr. Sinha likes Pink Floyd (or if it is Kishore Kumar, feel free to substitute), then on what basis can he say that there is no 13 year old girl or grandmothers who listen to them? Because, as he himself has put it, he wouldn’t want to share his musical taste with them. I sense a generous dose of hypocrisy in here. He goes on to rationalize his way of thinking by quoting what Socrates might have said “If something was popular then it probably wasn’t good.” At this point, I would like to state that one has to understand that there is a difference between something being “popular” and something being “contemporary”. Michael Jackson was (and will always remain) popular, but he was in no way contemporary.

Other aspects dealt with in the article include his plastic surgery from black to white. And in response to this, Mr. Sinha starts “Perhaps he felt shame in being black…” Again, without making any effort in providing any information/incident that might form the basis for this personal opinion, a statement suggesting Jackson suffering from shame about his color is made. His new appearance is then broken apart and criticised for each part in the following lines and is compared to The Joker from Batman comics. But the real striking remark is made in the next line when he says : “It is arguable whether he looked HUMAN.” Criticising a person’s look is one thing. Calling for a debate whether he looked human or not is something totally different. I am not even going to respond to this horrifying and baseless personal opinion. But alas, the criticisms don’t stop there. Further personal opinion is doled out with his change in looks being termed “..a pathological attempt at self-improvement” and he then contrasts Jackson’s “self disgust” (again, this is the writer’s own inference) to America electing an African American for President. He then suddenly, out of nowhere and having offered no reason, states that “Michael Jackson really had lost touch with reality.”

And while dealing with MJ’s child molestation case, Mr. Sinha says, “.. by the time that news of Michael Jackson’s troubles with little boys came, I was ready to believe the worst about him.” Somehow I am not surprised at all. But what really put me off, was the suggestion that MJ got acquitted just because “nothing could be proved against him” and the comparison of MJ’s trial to that of the infamous OJ Simpson case when it is written “..or perhaps, like O J Simpson (who killed his wife and her lover but was acquitted), he had a sympathetic jury.” This particular paragraph, I have to say, contains as much suggestion and speculation as it lacks solid facts. He further makes an inference, again based solely on what it all meant personally to him, as to how MJ could have possibly committed the crimes by stating : “the fact that he tried to change his skin colour meant to me that he lacked dignity at his core, and if he lacked that, then anything was possible.”

The main reason why I sat down to take the pains to write this long post was not just because I have always been a die-hard MJ fan. But it is mainly because of the way in which a complete editorial was dedicated to air the opinion of one man about how his preferences and opinions went against popular belief. I do understand that Mr. Sinha is a highly qualified individual who holds an extremely high post in the Indian print media. I also recognize his right to personal opinion, and being in that high position, I also recognize his authority to write an editorial to his liking. My objections to this editorial are not as much about the content of the article, as it is about it’s timing. There is always a place and time to air certain views about certain people. And writing an article such as this when the whole world is mourning the death of a star who defined a generation is definitely incongruous and wrongly timed. If anything, it is only demeaning to all the millions of fans around the world.

I now wonder. The author of the article has made comments terming Michael Jackson as a person who “lacked dignity” offering no basis whatsoever apart from his own personal opinion. And this statement is made the very next day  after Michael Jackson passed away, in the editorial of a leading national daily in India. Something doesn’t seem right. Something seems out of place. Come to think of it, I now wonder as to who it is exactly that “lacks dignity”.

India in Slow Motion by Mark Tully: A Book Review

India in Slow Motion

It is not so often that one comes across a book that reinforces the potential of presenting facts and situations to capture the interest of a reader in a way that the book becomes both educative and a page turner. INDIA IN SLOW MOTION by Mark Tully does just that. With his immaculately diverse  set of ten typically Indian  real life stories, he has successfully brought about the fundamental flaws in the system that is governing this country. I first interacted with Mark Tully at IIT Bombay during their fest and was impressed by his knowledge and observations. And after reading India in Slow Motion, my respect and admiration for him has grown ten fold.

Most of the book is not as much about exposing the familiar problems plaguing India, as it is about revealing the intricacies, significance and true extent of the same. Topics such as the Ayodhya issue, corruption, droughts, farmer suicides, Kashmir, the IT revolution are not unfamiliar. But the treatment that Tully has meted out to these topics inevitably makes us rethink our own estimation of the nature and significance of the problem. Be it the thrilling, detailed first hand account of the entire Tehelka sting operation which got the Defence Minister to resign, the true tale of Kashmir and why it is in its present state or a little known village in Gujarat that has declared independence from the rest of the country, Tully describes an India which exhibits  a common foundation running through all of them-the NETA-BABU Raj-which he finds to be the single most important factor why India is still a country in Slow Motion.

The book starts off by describing a small but largely representative incident in a remote village  in Madhya Pradesh, where a Cyber Cafe built by an NGO is being brought down on the orders issued by a bureaucrat of the region for not possessing a particular “Internet Service Provider License -II”. This incident is small because it never made to the papers and representative because it shows how the Indian bureaucracy is working to defeat it’s own purpose.  Other stories in the book  deal with many cultural and religious aspects including a first hand account of the Babri Masjid demolition and the subsequent efforts to build a Ram Temple in the same site along with detailed descriptions about the rise and present state of Christianity in Goa and also an informative chapter on Sufism and the stance taken by different Muslim leaders in India.

But the crux of the book lies in the revelation of a large number of small facts that goes a long way in choosing the correct frame of reference to look and judge this country’s state of affairs. A large many assumptions developed over years of exposure to the Indian media is convincingly set right by simply reflecting on these hard facts plaguing the country and of which, the majority of us are blissfully unaware. Sample this: In a chapter dealing solely with the farmer suicides in Karnataka, Tully describes the procedure for a farmer to obtain a low interest loan from a Nationalized Bank as per a Govt scheme. In the words of the Bank Manager:

“Before any farmer can ask for a loan, he has to produce, one-land records, two- records of rights, three-no dues from the government, four-records of all land revenue paid, five-land valuation certificates, six-no dues from agricultural societies, seven-permission from court if applicant is a minor and eighth(and here is the best part!)- NO DUES CERTIFICATES FROM ALL THE OTHER 9 BANKS IN THE AREA!!!!!!”

And to procure the no dues certificate from all the other banks, a farmer has to approach each and every bank individually and get a certificate from each of them!

Another equally glaring fact concerns the structure and the working of the Police force in India. Tully quotes directly from a report submitted by a Senior retired Police Officer who says:

“..the 1861 Act passed by the British Raj still governs the organization, structure, philosophyand working of our police forces at the end of the twentieth century, never mind the phenomenal changes in our social, political, scientific, economic, and cultural spheres over the decades. The pattern adopted by the 1861 Act was based on the Irish Constabulary because Ireland was a colony at that time.”

Another Senior Police Officer says:

“..for the bureaucracy, control over the police has become an intoxicant they are addicted to and are just not willing to give up. And so the act of 1861 continues to be on the statute book even after nearly one hunderd and forty years-a millstone round the police neck”

Here is another concerning the corruption in the Indian Military:

“An Arms dealer has to bribe a Major General around Rs. 10 lakhs just so the dealer can obtain the list of equipment that the Indian Army is looking to test and purchase!”

Simple but revealing facts like these are in abundance in the book largely due to Tully’s first hand investigation into every topic he has written about. One of the best chapters in the book, I found, was the one on corruption which included a detailed first hand account of the entire TEHELKA sting operation by the very man who performed the sting with the hidden camera! The thrilling encounters with the top politicians and military leaders coupled with the glaring and inexcusable stupidity on part of the Generals for believing everything makes the chapter both humorous and thought provoking. The chapter on the Farmer suicides in Karnataka during the drought on the turn of the millenium is also very well documented with facts revealing such a lack of basic common sense among the officials, that one feels there is no hope for the Indian farmer. Like a farmer says,”A farmer in India is born in debt, lives in debt, dies in debt and is reborn in debt!” Another truly memorable quote that perfectly epitomizes  the life of a farmer comes from a farmer who is asked why he is not investing in long term gains and stability by sending his children to school. He says: “Sir, we farmers are not concerned about what happens 10-15 years from now. All we care about is being able to live through today…everyday”

The stories in India in Slow Motion do little to portray India the way political campaigns (like India Shining) do. But at the same time, the stories do not aim to bring out the harsh realities prevailing in the country such as poverty. What it does aim, however, is to give first hand information on issues that every Indian is familiar with. Though a few stories form an exception  to the familiarity aspect, the underlying objective of giving the readers first hand information on the ground reality successfully weaves through these stories as well. Throughout the book, Tully never makes the slightest effort to force his opinion on the reader. In fact, his completely objective portrayal of ground reality obviates the need for the reader to frame an opinion about India’s prospects. And so, instead, his astute observations compel the reader to develop both the positive and negative outlooks about India.

Tully’s inferences always tend to tell a tale of a car trying to move forward with its brakes on. In spite of describing stories that show the blatant inefficiency  and flaws in the governance system, Tully still displays an optimism that stems from recent and not so recent history when India did make the effort to liberate the economy, thereby easing a little off the brakes on its path to development. But the question of how long or what it takes for these changes to come about, though raised, is left deliberately unanswered. This book is a must read before anyone decides to have a say about any aspect of the present state of affairs in India.

Scene 3: TIMMY RETURNS!!

SCENE 3 : TIMMY’S HOUSE

Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny go to Timmy’s house and ring the bell. After sometime, Richard (Timmy’s father), a middle aged mentally retarded man in a wheelchair opens the door. Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny don’t know who he is. Silence ensues while they are surprised and are not sure how to react.

ERIC CARTMAN : Who the f*** is this??!??

Kyle (to the other 3) : Guys I think this is Timmy’s father.

Richard: Richard!!!!

Kyle: Err….Mr. Richard, is Timmy here? We haven’t seen him in a long time.

Richard suddenly gets hysterical and starts moving his wheelchair around in a violent manner while continuously screaming “RICHARD! RICHARD!” Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny are taken aback by this behaviour.

Stan: Mr. Richard we just wanted to know if Timmy was here.

Richard stops his erratic behaviour and goes into a room in the house. Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny follow him into the room. There we see Timmy in a wheelchair totally engrossed watching Television. He doesn’t notice anyone coming into the room.

Stan : Hey Timmy! What have you been doing dude? Why have you not been coming to school?

Timmy doesn’t respond to Stan. He is fully engrossed in the Television.

Timmy : Timmeh!!!

Kyle: What is he watching?

SCRUBS is shown to be playing on the television.  Timmy yells “TIMMEH!!”, apparently  finding every dialogue amusing while Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny just stare blankly at the TV.

Stan :  Dude What the f*** is this?

ERIC CARTMAN : Yeah! This show looks pretty retarded! Who the f*** watches this show?

Kenny (muffled) : Timmy does.

ERIC CARTMAN : Oh yeah Timmy is retarded alright!

Kyle : Hey Timmy! Its us, your friends from school.

Timmy : (continues to enjoy the show not noticing any of them) Timmeh!!!!!

Stan : Dude what the f*** is going on here? How can anyone get addicted to this nonsense?

Kyle : You are right dude…This shits not even remotely funny! But Timmy seems to be enjoying it!

(PAUSE while Stan discovers something)

Stan : Wait a minute!

Stan goes near the Television and finds a DVD of SCRUBS all seasons with a caption beneath that reads : FOR RETARDS, BY RETARDS! Stan also finds some instructions for playing the DVD and reads it aloud:

Stan : “PLAY THE DVD ONCE AND IT WILL AUTOMATICALLY REPEAT FOREVER.”

Kyle : Dude Timmy has been watching this show all this time! Man! This is some serious f***ed up shit!

ERIC CARTMAN : Or guys, is this like one of those shows, which are so retarded, that it is used to give people like Timmy a superiority complex? Think of it guys…it makes sense.

Kyle : Cartman! Such shows DO NOT exist! Timmy doesn’t need to be given a dose of superiority complex. He is fine by himself!

ERIC CARTMAN : Oh really Kyle?? You call THIS (pointing at Timmy drooling in a wheelchair enjoying SCRUBS) as being fine by himself?? And what about yourself Kyle? You may have also gotten to where you are by watching other retarded videos that are made specifically for retarded Jews!

Kyle : God Damn you Cartman! I was not and am not retarded!

ERIC CARTMAN : What makes you so sure Kyle? If a Jew was retarded, he wouldn’t know about it would he?

Stan : That’s enough! Guys we gotta think of a way to get Timmy de-addicted from this stupid TV Show.

Timmy (completely oblivious to everything around him)   : Heee Haaaa haaaa Timmeh!!!!

TO BE CONTINUED…

Timmy Returns : Scene 2

SCENE 2: South Park Elementary School

Kids and their parents are in the school meeting the teachers in a classroom. The meeting is almost over. Principal Victoria, Mr. MacKey and Mr. Garrison are finishing sitting next to each other behind a table and discussing among themselves.

Principal Victoria : I just hope it gets over soon. I need to reach my book club meeting in less than an hour.

MR. MACKEY : (consults a list) Well lets see…. Kyle Browlowski-done. Stan Marsh-done. Wendy-done. Eric Cartman-thank god THATS over! Hmmm okay lets see who is remaining here…hmmm okay…hmmm okay..HA! Timmy!

(Silence in classroom. Nobody responds)

MR. MACKEY : Timmy! Is Timmy here?

(Again no response)

PRINCIPAL VICTORIA : MR. MACKEY did you inform Timmy’s parents about the meeting?

MR. MACKEY : Well actually PRINCIPAL VICTORIA Timmy has not attended school since a long time.

PRINCIPAL VICTORIA : What?? Why wasn’t I told about it? Have you contacted his parents about this?

MR. MACKEY : (Hesitates) Well I did kinda tell them sometime back….hmm okay..

PRINCIPAL VICTORIA : What do you mean kinda?

MR. MACKEY : Well I did call them, hmmm okay….but there was this communication gap you see…hmm okay

FLASHBACK

MR. MACKEY calls a number on a phone.

MR. MACKEY : Hello..is Timmy there?

Voice (at the other end) : Richard!!!

MR. MACKEY : Not Richard…I am looking for Timmy…okay?

Voice : Richard!!!!!

MR. MACKEY : Hello…is this Timmy’s house?

(thinks aloud and checks his phone directory) Did I get the right number here??

Voice: Richard!!!!!

MR. MACKEY : (Looks confused. Thinks what to do for a moment.)

Voice: (Confused as well) Ri..cha..rd.??

MR. MACKEY: Hmmm..okay

(Hangs up)

(Timmy’s father Richard is shown on a wheelchair answering the phone)

Richard: Richard…..Richard??? Richard!!!!!!

BACK TO PRESENT

PRINCIPAL VICTORIA : Well you better call them again MR. MACKEY

(Shot changes to STAN, KYLE, CARTMAN AND KENNY seated in the classroom.)

Stan : Guys, any of you seen Timmy?

Kyle : I haven’t seen him in months dude!

Kenny : (Muffled) Me neither!

Stan : We gotta find him before he gets himself into any trouble.

ERIC CARTMAN : Guys guys aren’t we forgetting the important question here??

(All 3 of them think for a moment)

Stan : What is it Cartman?

ERIC CARTMAN : Who is Timmy??!!?

Kyle : God damn you Cartman! Have you already forgotten Timmy? He was our friend who was in a wheelchair!

ERIC CARTMAN (Suddenly remembering): Oh yeah our retarded friend who was always drooling! Now I remember! Where has he been all these days?

Stan : Lets check at his home….

(Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny leave the classroom)

TO BE CONTINUED…

South Park- TIMMY RETURNS : Scene 1

Ok..considering the fact that putting up the entire script for a new south park episode will not prove practically feasible, I have decided to split it into different scenes and upload each one of them. Feedback, changes and improvements are welcome and will be incorporated in the final script. Needless to say, this is just for fun. So if you are a South Park fan, then feel free to discuss.

The theme of the episode is to get Timmy back into school. Timmy has not been coming to school since a long time and so Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny decide to get their friend back to school. They find out why Timmy has not been coming to school and try to fix it.

SCENE 1: SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

Bell rings. Students settle down in class as Mr. Garrison enters the class.

Mr. Garrison : Ok children settle down now and pay attention as I have an important announcement to make.

ERIC CARTMAN : [Already bored] Aah! Here we go again!

Mr. Garrison : Principal Victoria has arranged a Parent-Teacher meeting tomorrow at the school. All of you are required to bring your parents after school for the meeting.

ERIC CARTMAN : [Suddenly alert] Huh? What?

Kyle : Didn’t you hear dumbass? You have to get your parents tomorrow for the parents-teacher meeting.

ERIC CARTMAN : What??!!? But how??

Mr. Garrison : Eric! What is it?

ERIC CARTMAN : Er… Mr. Garrison , I don’t think I will be able to bring my parents tomorrow.

Mr. Garrison : [Angrily]What did you say?

ERIC CARTMAN : I said I don’t think I will be able to bring my parents tomorrow.

Mr. Garrison : And why would that be?

ERIC CARTMAN : [Speaking as a matter of fact] Mr. Garrison its just that… (pause) my mom is sick and I don’t know who my dad is!

[Entire class goes silent. Mr. Garrison just stares blankly. Eric Cartman stares back at him blankly. ]

Mr. Garrison : Stop lying young man!!

ERIC CARTMAN : About what Mr. Garrison ? My mom, or my dad??

[Awkward Silence again in the classroom]

Kyle : [To Eric] Dude, your mom was fine last night. What happened man?

Mr. Garrison : [Angrily] That does it! Eric Cartman, you are bringing your mother tomorrow for the meeting!

ERIC CARTMAN : F*** you Kyle!

TO BE CONTINUED….

Why the Youth of today is NOT India’s Future…

I am writing this post in extreme anguish, disgust and helplessness at the way things are going on in this country. And I am specifically referring to the Mangalore Pub attack incident and the subsequent attacks on women and men in the name of culture and religion. I am not here to vent my ire on the Sri Rama Sene or any other similar group who decide that it is their responsibility to ’safeguard’ Indian culture among the youth of today. I am in fact going to vent my ire on the youth of India and their inherent inability to do anything about any of these atrocious moral policing. But before I say anything that can be construed wrongly, let me make a few things very clear. When I refer to the youth of this country, I am talking about the general age group of 16-30 years who are educated. I also include myself in the youth being referred to here. It should not be misunderstood that I am only blaming or accusing the youth of India and that I am perfect. I blame myself and everyone I know equally here.

The basis for writing this post is the complete indifference shown by the country’s youth to any and every act of injustice or moral policing that has ever taken place. Curbing our freedom in various forms has not had one single form of impact on us. Lets take the case of Bangalore and Karnataka. First, there was this deadline for all night clubs, pubs and bars to close shops at 11:30 PM. Then there was this ban on live music. Then there is this attack on pub goers. Then one more attack on a girl just because she was talking to a Muslim guy. Then there is another attack on women standing just outside a Bangalore Pub. Then there was this Mangala Sutra and Rakhi threats on Valentine’s Day. All this in the name of safeguarding our culture. As asinine and shameless as all these sound, what has to be noted is the complete absence of any form of protest or response from the people affected.

So what did the youth do, when the Pub attack happened? Lets see. Thinking…thinking…Oh wait! We didn’t do anything! We just accepted the ruling like the way your teachers and parents told us what was right and what was wrong when we were kids and just kept quiet. Or probably there were some things that were done. Lots of stuff happened on the internet-like what I am doing right now. Most of the youth “VOICED” their frustration on the internet.  Innumerable blogs suddenly sprung up all over the internet voicing their concerns. Mangalore Pub Attack became a popular search term on Google. Hell! SULEKHA.com itself dedicated a small but prominent space in their TAGS space to it so more can read and learn and write about the issue.  Public forums, both on social networking sites and other websites began to run series of threads on these attacks. Youtube was flooded with videos and responses pertaining to the Mangalore Pub attack. Each and every one of them cursing the Sri Rama Sene for all their goondaism. The television channels and newspapers were flooded with opinions from various prominent local personalities and fellow young generation dudes who again “CONDEMNED” the “DASTARDLY” attacks on women and men in the pub. There were live debates organized on the news channels pitting a representative from the youth against some self proclaimed guardian of our Indian culture. Then there were all these opinion polls wherein we were asked for our OPINION on the issue. Some guys and girls, led by some local personality organized a peaceful march in the city “PROTESTING” the attacks on pub goers and demanding our freedom.

But then you see, thats the whole point! This is all that we, the YOUTH OF INDIA, do. We just voice our opinions in our comfort zones, sitting in front of a computer and typing all the things we want to say. Among all the things that I have listed above, and all the things that the youth have done that I have not listed above, does any of you truly believe that even one of these “RESPONSES” is going to make any difference at all? Has it made any difference at all so far? We continue to be the Tech-savvy youth who pride ourselves on making judicious use of the internet. But we have to ask ourselves this: “Does it count in any way in actually addressing the problem at hand?” Do opinion polls or live debates on news channels serve any purpose whatsoever in finding a solution to these incessant problems? It my prove to be another medium of venting our frustration and anger at the perpertrators but seriously, do any of you really think that it is going to make any form of impact? We hold peace rallies to protest against all the injustice done. But again, does it matter in anyway? Are the authorities going to actually look into the matter and change things around us just because a few hundred people decided to get together and display placards or shout slogans? Do any number of prominent people giving their opinion do anything to change the exisiting insane laws in this country? Does interviewing the everyday youth on newschannels or in newspapers and asking for their response serve any purpose in making the law-makers understand our point of view? Do you think any amount of blogging or discussing on public forums is even going to be noticed by those people who have the power to set things right?

The hard fact is this: WE THE YOUTH OF INDIA HAVE NO GUTS OR COURAGE. There….I said it. And as much as we like to believe otherwise citing various examples, the truth cannot be denied. We, the Youth of India, have no balls when it comes to facing up to the people who curb our freedom. When the Govt, decides what is good for us and what isnt, we abide by it without a whimper. If the Govt decides to ban live bands, we just accept it and try to work within it. When the Govt decides at what time we should stop having fun, we let them shove it down our throat. When some rogue outfit  says  you can’t drink if you are a girl, we suddenly stop going to pubs out of fear. When they say we should not celebrate Valentine’s Day, well, I can’t comment on that right away but I am sure, there are a hell lot of us who only wish we could do it without the fear that we may be married by the end of the day.

The only thing we do is rant and whine in safe places such as the internet and opinion polls and harmless peace protests, none of which is going to have any form of impact on any of the law makers. And looking at the way things are going, the day wont be far away when the Govt and  rogue outfits, in the name of moral policing and safeguarding culture, decide that holding college fests is against the Hindu culture or that having friends of the opposite sex in your group is also against the spirit of our heritage. The day wont be far off when movie theaters will have seperate seating for men and women or for that matter, educational institutions making rules that prohibit interacting with the opposite sex. Now that would be something wont it?

And you know the best part? It is a very very realistic possibility. Give these Govts and rogue outfits enough time, and let us continue to get everything shoved down our throats and I will guarantee you the possibilities I have mentioned above will become firm reality. Again, when we analyze the root of the problem, we again go back to the same inference.

WE, THE YOUTH OF INDIA, ARE NOTHING BUT A BUNCH OF COWARDS WHO LEARN TO LIVE WITH WHATEVER IS SHOVED DOWN AT US.

I apologize if this is sounding very offensive or insulting to any of you. But all I ask you to do is to give it some serious unbiased and objective thought as to the mindset of the Indian youth. Again, I would like to remind you all that I do not exclude myself from all the things that I have written above. I am now ready to acknowledge that I am a coward and that I am helpless. But are you? And only when you realize that, do you also understand the true possibility of the strength of unity among all of us. But the question remains. Who is it that is going to lead us? Who is it that is going to wake us all up from our comfort zones and cowardice to bring about some change? The media is definitely not going to do it. They are just busy finding more stories like this to start more live debates or get “expert” opinions-which get them the money and us nothing.

Come to think of it, today’s youth is indeed the future of India. But this time, the youth I am talking about are not the educated and civilized youth, but the young goons like those in the Sri Rama Sene and other outfits who attack people and the same people to whom WE ACTUALLY END UP VOTING. But again, we the youth of India, the cowards of the country will learn to live with it.

GOD HELP US ALL!!!!! If this isnt headed for a Dystopian future, I dont’ know what is.

Atonement by Ian McEwan: A Book Review

Ian McEwan’s Atonement is much more than just a novel. It is a supreme work of literature. With the ability to imbibe beautifully crafted sentences that convey a lot more than just a story, McEwan has demonstrated a unique and unparalleled talent to tell the story by laying stress on giving a convincing description of the thoughts of his characters. And so, as you savor one by one, the stream of the characters’ thoughts, it is not long before you realize that Atonement ceases to be just any other novel and instead, it assumes the shape of a delightful portrayal of psychological realism. The innocently dangerous thoughts of a 13 year old, the desperate battle for the will to survive amidst a war, the unreasonable demands and wishes of nine year olds, the tragedy of a hope, the reality of war, the desire to atone- all find a place in this magnificent meta-fictional novel.

 

Atonement opens with Briony Tallis, a 13 year old aspiring writer, preparing a play to be performed on the occasion of her brother, Leon’s homecoming. There is an evident lack of focus in the opening pages, with the scenes largely drifting along Briony’s thoughts. It is however not long before all the characters are introduced and the book settles itself into a well crafted rhythm. But as soon as you expect events to unfold, McEwan makes it perfectly clear that he plans to tell the story through his characters’ thoughts rather than their actions. And so, every thought, every conscious and sub conscious occurrence is dealt with in the most satisfying and elaborate fashion.

 

“….The cost of oblivious daydreaming was always this moment of return, the realignment with what had been before and now seemed a little worse. Her reverie, once rich in plausible details, had become a passing silliness before the hard mass of the actual……….Briony had lost her godly power of creation, but it was only at this moment of return that the loss became evident; part of a daydream’s enticement was the illusion that she was helpless before its logic.”

“…..She wanted to leave, she wanted to lie alone, face down on her bed and savour the vile piquancy of the moment, and go back down the lines of branching consequences to the point before the destruction began…..Self pity needed her full attention, and only in solitude could she breathe life into the lacerating details…”

 

 

And so we are subjected to the day dreaming of a 13 year old Briony, the subtleties of whose response to an unfulfilled expectation is explored in magnificent detail. But perhaps, what is of even more significance and relevance is Briony’s dangerous illusion of having attained adolescence. And it is as a result of the dangerous presence of this illusion that she convinces herself that she has indeed understood the true meaning of the event she witnesses on the garden from her window. By nightfall the same day, she finds herself involved in more situations where circumstances demand her to construe with maturity, and which she consciously does, but alas, under just the delusion of the same. And the illusion of her attaining a greater sense of responsibility, manifesting itself in her imagination, culminates during the early hours of the following day, when she accuses Robbie, the house keeper’s son, of a crime he didn’t commit. This one act, arising out of her assuming superficial responsibility, haunts her eventually as she then decides to spend the rest of her life trying to atone for the same.

 

McEwan’s attention to the conscious and the sub-conscious thoughts of his characters are portrayed in such convincing detail that he takes over 200 pages to describe the events of a single day. In it, we are subjected to Cecelia, Briony’s sister, and her unobtrusive lifestyle, having spent her entire college days in complete denial of her love to Robbie. And Robbie himself, who optimistically wishes to pursue a career in medicine, keeps his silence to himself and his thoughts from her. But how they let go of that unspoken and unacknowledged desire for each other in such an uninhibited manner, one night inside a library, is so beautifully described that even though the description goes into the minute details of their encounter, not at one moment, do you find the whole encounter offensive or objectionable. We also find Mrs. Tallis, the authority of the house, unwell as she usually finds herself to be, perceiving the actions of each and every person in her house through the walls of her bedroom. We meet Leon, Briony’s brother, and his friend Paul, the chocolate billionaire who are the guests for the night. Briony’s cousin Lola, who is a couple of years elder than Briony, also forms part of the homecoming celebration with her adolescent mindset, well set in.

Once you go beyond that one fateful day, McEwan  vehemently explores Robbie’s mind, as he reluctantly participates in a war filled with a reality that is dangerously unfamiliar to him. The delirious state of the military during the Dunkirk Retreat forms the backdrop of the surreal scenes of pain and hopelessness surrounding him as he walks miles and miles to the shore accompanied by a few of his buddies, with his only impetus for survival being the words that he carries on a sheet of paper in his breast pocket, Cecelia’s words : “I will wait for you. Come Back…” And amidst all the mind numbing tragedies around him, his only source of happiness and bliss, is his regular withdrawals from his memory bank- that one parting kiss that he shared with her just before he left for the war.

 

“…..He kissed her, lightly at first, but they drew closer, and when their tongues touched, a disembodied part of himself was abjectly grateful, for he knew he now had a memory in the bank and would be drawing on it for months to come. He was drawing on it now, in a French barn, in the small hours.”

“ ‘…..Realistically, there had to be a choice- you or them. How could it be both? I’ve never had a moment’s doubt. I love you. I believe in you completely. You are my dearest one, my reason for life. Cee.’….He knew these last lines by heart and mouthed them now in the darkness. My reason for life. Not Living, but life. That was the touch. And she was his reason for life, and why he must survive. He lay on his side, staring at where he thought the barn’s entrance was, waiting for the first signs of light. He was too restless for sleep now. He wanted only to be walking to the coast.”

 

The reason why this book captivates you is largely due to its ability to take the reader deep into the psyche of the characters and into what they are thinking. So much so, that the thoughts completely obviate the necessity of the actions. It also lies in the successful exploration of the concept of atonement- as seen through Briony’s voluntary effort to right what she wronged. Perhaps, a crucial scene in the book is one in which Briony is treating a young French soldier who is about to die. The French Soldier believes that she is his long lost love and continues to talk to her about the various things that he would do back home. And just before he dies in her arms, he calls out her name: “Tallis…..”, which Briony later realizes the difference in the way he said it. (“……She could still hear his voice, the way he said Tallis, turning it into a girl’s name…”) There are plenty more instances in the book which fill the reader with such a satisfied quality experience that it is difficult not to go through the last pages of the book filled with awe and wonder.

But there is nothing more moving and complete than the way the concept of Atonement is encapsulated in the words of an ageing Briony:

“…How can a novelist achieve atonement when, with her absolute power of deciding outcomes, she is also God? ……No atonement for God, or novelists, even if they are atheists. …”

 

One of the most compelling and satisfying reads ever. No wonder this book was chosen as one among the Times Best 100 Books. And no wonder it was made into an Oscar nominated movie by the same name. But no level of film making can get the beauty of the written words onto the screen. A must read for all book fanatics.

 

 

No Country for Old Men- A Book Review

“What’s the most you ever saw lost on a coin toss?”

Cormac McCarthy’s No Country for Old Men consists of a fast paced Western story with elements of greed, evil, senility and guilt all inculcated in razor sharp dialogues. McCarthy’s unique writing style makes it a little difficult to follow the story initially, but once you get used to the absence of quotes, the judicious use of conjunctions and the absence of references to the speakers, you will find it hard to put the book down. What compels you to keep reading the book, however, is the way the depth of its characters is constantly under revelation through the dialogues and actions alone. There is never a single description of any character in the book- appearance-wise or with regard to the character itself- that helps one to visualize the characters involved. Nevertheless, the sharp dialogues and monologues completely obviate the need for the same. Take for instance Anton Chigurh’s intimidating dialogue with the proprietor of a filling station. The whole scenario doesn’t serve any purpose with regard to progression of the plot. But the ease and terror with which it reveals the guiltless, contemplating evil character of Anton Chigurh can take any seasoned reader by surprise. Or for that matter the definite and purposeful use of his weapon- the cattle gun. In fact, the terror of Chigurh, largely perceived through his sharp dialogues and actions, sometimes goes to the extent of being comical in nature, thereby deceiving the reader (but not his victim) on the intensity of the scene. The humor, in general, is sparse, but when present, it is subtly comical in nature despite the evidently perilous circumstances surrounding the character.

No Country for Old Men takes off with the seemingly facile escape of Anton Chigurh, the main antagonist, from the Sheriff’s prison. It immediately shifts focus and follows the journey of Llewlyn Moss, a welder (“If it is anything that can be welded, then I can weld it.”) , who stumbles across the remains of a drug deal gone bad in the middle of the desert. When he discovers the 2.4 million dollars in hard cash and decides to take it, he realizes that he has to run. The rest of the book follows his journey as Anton Chigurh tries to hunt Moss down to retrieve the money and to kill him for having caused “some inconvenience”. Amidst this cat and mouse game for the money, McCarthy provides some much needed balance to the storyline in the form of Sheriff Bell, the long standing Sheriff of the county who is on the lookout for the ghost of Chigurh, whose ruminations and self evaluation on a myriad of personal and general aspects form the small alternate chapters in the book.

In the end, this is not just a book about the good v/s the evil. That is because there is no ‘absolute good’ in this book. There maybe an absolute evil in the form of Chigurh- considering his terse explanation about why he has to ‘do it’. But there is definitely no absolute good. Not in Moss and definitely not in Sheriff Bell. But it is this presence of large areas of grey that makes the reader follow the story in an objective manner-not clearly knowing what you want the end of each character to be. Looking from a broader perspective, No Country for Old Men successfully explores, through Sheriff Bell’s meditations, the continuous moral decadence of the West through the decades, giving a clear idea as to where it is now headed. If I have to give 2 reasons why you should read the book, the first one would be to see the expertise of McCarthy in bringing out the depth in his characters without having to resort to a single description and the second one would be to explore and marvel at the character that is Anton Chigurh.

For those of you, who like me, have watched the movie first, there is still quite a lot left for exploring in the book. And I have to say that watching the movie definitely helped me visualize the scenes and the characters better and you will also see why Javier Bardem got the Oscar for his portrayal of Anton Chigurh.