Something happened two days back.
Something had returned a few months back. And I was happy. I was really happy. It had always been my dream since it had ended on that fateful august night 7 years back. It had turned me mad. It took me a lot of time to come back my senses. Then after I came back to my senses, I was occupied with a lot other things. Couldn’t spare much time about something long gone.
But how was I to know that someday, some guy working in Google would come up with a concept under his own name that would literally sweep my world away? And so came Orkut. And the first day I came on Orkut, I knew what I was searching for.
And I found it. That was a few months back. Things went on smoothly. And I was really happy. Until two days back. I was made to relive each and every moment of the worst days of my life. All those foolish and insane choices that I made long then that led to that august night. I had to relive all that guilt. Guilt not that I caused hurt to someone. But guilt which showed me just how horrible I could be. Guilt that said- I am bad. Something that made me loose whatever self esteem I had built up over the years. That guilt made me feel bad about myself. And I didn’t like it. Nobody does.
It was really hard on me. A few months back, I had thought the whole past was dead and buried. I thought it was all history. But it was to come and haunt me again. And I don’t want that to happen again. And I am in a dilemma as to what I have to do to make sure that it doesn’t happen again.
Do I just stop contacting? Or should I give it some more time? For the first time I was contacted on my mobile phone. So what? Nothing much. Just that not many do so.
I still remember I had thought that we would remain as nothing more than perfect strangers. But then it had changed. And now I guess it will go back to just that- Perfect Strangers.