Monthly Archives: January 2007
Why? Why am I reminded of that someone now? Why, after all that happened, am I being given glimpses into the past, the past wherein the future had lots to offer? Why am I being made to think that things could have turned out better if I had done things differently? Why am I being made to think that things were not so bad after all? Why am I getting thoughts that I shouldn’t have backed off at the last instant on the day before the worst day of my life? December 8th 2005. I had been dreaming of that day for over 2 years. I was dreaming about it even the night before. Only thing- it never took place. I called it off just before midnight for reasons that best made sense to me only at that time. Maybe it had something to do with the money, the 2000 bucks that I had saved up for it. Funny thing, till today I don’t know where that 2000 bucks went! Only thing I know is that it didn’t go to thing that was to be its purpose. And I guess that’s the only thing that matters.
“Are you coming to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme..
Remember me to one who lives there….
She once was a true love of mine…”
I keep listening to Scarborough Fair every now and then. And I would be lying if I said that I am not reminded of all those things that I had believed were forgotten. It comes back to me- in bits and pieces- every now and then. Whenever I see a few pics, come across something connected to the better times we had, whenever I see a titillating movie, and of course whenever I listen to Scarborough Fair by Simon and Garfunkel. Its not only about what had happened way back then that I think about, it is also as to what could have been. Maybe they would have been better, maybe not. But something definitely different than what I am right now.
After October 28th 2005, two days after that someone special forgot to wish me on my birthday and one day after a penalty was accepted by that same someone, was the one of the happiest days of my life. It was my first time and I guess I couldn’t have planned it better. And it will always be remembered for all those fine and subtle hint droppings that I made about my intention. And of course for the fact that I couldn’t wipe off that damn smile off my face for a good couple of weeks! And those were good times.
So there are good times and there are bad times. And then there are no times. I guess I am going through one of them now. Apart from a few things, it has just been nothing more than a vegetating experience over the past few months. But however life maybe now, I will always find something or the other to ponder about. And as far as I see it, right now, my pondering is over.
Life does seem pleasant in retrospect. Regardless of what happened, or what could have happened, or what might have happened, in the end, I guess you are just happy to have been through all of that and still being able to live through them in your memories. Life is good….yeah life is good.
Ok so here is the deal. I will tell you what exactly had happened and then what happened next and then you yourself decide how much of an impact the second thing had on me. So here is the first thing that happened:
My mom fell in the bathroom and had two of her bones at the ankle broken! Basically there was absolutely no connection between her leg and foot. Trust me it was that bad. Now to add to this let me tell you one more complication. The bathroom where she fell was in Kanyakumari and we stay at Bangalore! So all in all it was a really harrowing experience on those two days when she had to be taken home (read hospital) and then operated. And the day after her successful operation, was the second thing. DEEP PURPLE IN BANGALORE!!!
And I had already bought the tickets. But needless to say I was in really no mood to go there with my mom in the hospital. But I also knew that if I didn’t go, then my mom would feel very guilty about being the reason for my disappointment. So I went. The following is a detailed account of the concert that I will definitely rate as one of the best things to have happened to me.
I was going to the concert with my friend from Joseph’s who is by and large the walking encyclopedia regarding music and football. He never forgave me for missing out on the Dire Straits concert. Anyway his cousin was at the gate at 1:30 pm which was going to be opened only at 5:30 pm! I joined him at 3:30pm. My friend came along at 4:45 with a quarter of Vodka! We split it up. I guess I badly needed it. And then we were let into the ground. The stage was massive. I ran like my life depended on whether I get the front row or not. And I finally I was able to get hold of the barricade. Front row at Deep Purple concert! It was like a dream come true for me!
The wait was agonizing to say the least. What with all the sad radio playing some arbit radio station who were apparently sponsoring this event! Anyway at around 6:40, Galeej Gurus came on stage to open the act. Ok here is the thing. Nobody came there to see them. But to be frank,they played well. Their originals were good. And the crowd applauded them covering Black Dog. But like I said, nobody came there to see them perform.
And some more waiting. And then a little more. And there they were! All of them-Gillian, Morse, Glover, Pierce, all of them! And they started right away! The crowd was screaming! They started off with a track from Purpendicular. Went on to play a song from their new album and then they had the crowd on their feet singing to Strange Kinda Woman!
“ There once was a woman,
A strange kinda woman.
The kind that gets written down in history”
Thank god I knew the entire song by heart. But deep inside I knew what I was waiting for. Not for Smoke on the Water, not for Highway Star….. I was waiting for Perfect Strangers. Pierce started the keyboard and it sounded like Perfect Strangers. But it turned out to be Lazy! Nice one though… And then there was Morse on the lead….right there right in front of me! And boy did he play like theGod himself! He was on the lead…solo lead…..just him. And he went on to play Sweet Child o’ Mine, Back in Black and Heartbreaker! He also played Contact from Bananas.
And then there was Pierce on the key boards. Blasting away the crowd with all the low frequency sounds. And as he was finishing it, he started off with something else. Something that I was waiting like crazy. Perfect Strangers!
“Can you remember, remember my name?
As I flown through your life….”
Damn man! I went hysterical! I was all over myself. It was like some spirit had taken over me! And what a lead Morse was playing man! The way he held the notes at the end of every line made my life worth living! All songs had extended leads. Then came the hits, one after another.
When a blind man cries.
Rupture of the Deep.
And then after much deliberation, they started with Highway Star! Damn man! Gillian’s voice was just phenomenal! But I was still waiting for the lead of Highway Star. And it eventually came. Steve Morse on the guitar for one of the best leads I have ever heard! And by god, he made it look so easy man! I have seen semi pro bands play the same lead with much effort and concentration. But this man was just playing it like he was swinging a cricket bat! It was child’s play for him! And it came out just scintillating!
And immediately followed Smoke on the Water! Wonder how many people on this planet have been blessed to have listened to the song and liked it! And wonder how many among them had the opportunity to see it being performed live! And wonder how many among them have been blessed to see it happen right up in the front row! Trust me when I say I am blessed!
SMOKE ON THE WATER….FIRE IN THE SKY!
And then they left..only to come back for oncore! HUSH! HUSH! Had them on the feet again! And they signed off with the song that had got me to listen to them in the first place. The first song I heard of Deep Purple! BLACK NIGHT!
Glover’s introductory solo bass performance lead him to play the bass for black night! The crowd started yelling to the tune of the bass. And then the drums came and there was no looking back! It was Black Night all the way!
“ Maybe I will find on the way down
The line that I am free…free to be me..
Black Night is a long way from home…..”
And they signed off with an extended lead- Morse playing the guitar….standing on the speakers!!! He stole the show that night! No doubt about that!
And I felt life worth living! It had been a long time since I felt so alive! And I don’t know when I will feel the same again! And like I said, the timing of the concert couldn’t have been more apt for me. After all the stress that I underwent, I guess I really deserved it!
DEC 17TH 2006 will remain in my memory as one of the best nights ever….
And for those of you who only wished you were there, I really pity all you guys. For those of you who were there, I guess you know what I mean….
There has always been something about me that has never changed. I guess we all do have some or the other thing in us that simply refuses to change. That is what we truly are. Not our grades, not our positions or any other measurable quantity. What we are is what we have always been. It is not the changing side of us that determines what we are. It is that which is constant. That which we are without our own knowledge is what determines our character. There are not many people out there who can admit to who they really are. But I saw myself and I was happy to be just the way I am and the way I have always been.
Now why am I talking all big things about how one should be? Well that’s because I went through something that made me realize who I really was. So what is it that has never changed in me? What is it that I pride myself so much about?
There has always been this thing in me that just refused to do anything that I didn’t like or approve of. I have never had this habit of adjusting myself to something that wasn’t what I liked or preferred. The word ‘compromise’ has never meant anything to me. If at all there has been any compromise that I have made till date, it has been done only with the full knowledge that I will eventually end up liking whatever I have chosen. Otherwise I have always been completely ignorant about all the other options. And whenever I am in a situation wherein I haven’t got what I like, I look for those things myself. Now anyone in my situation would have just carried on with whatever they got. Not me. I see the possibilities to what I want. I see things that can be the solution to my desires. I have always looked at it such that I have what I want….and usually I get what I want. But the thing to ponder over is that what is it that fundamentally separates me from others in the same situation?
I guess it is in the fact that in times like I mentioned above, I don’t give myself any other options to survive on. I know what I want and it so happens that it is the only thing that I am aware of. And I am proud of what I am.
I have seen people who have sold their souls in return for things and favors which are practically worth nothing. One person in particular is egregiously prominent. As is my policy I shall not take up his name nor am I going to make any disparaging remarks about him. All I will say is that he is the epitome of all that I have dreaded and despised. And knowing him has only made me aware of the fact that I am quite the opposite of what he is. And that realization then led me to the understanding of what I really am. So in a way I have to thank him to have made me get the right perspective about myself. But I wont say that to him.
Now what happened to me that made me realize all these things is not the relevant thing. The relevant thing here is the fact that I have now realized who I am and who I always will be. I have had my parents telling for hours together that you don’t get everything that you want in life. Well I tell them that probably they haven’t asked enough. And like I said, I usually get what I want!