At a Loss for Words…..
If there is one thing that I am sure of about myself, it is that good stuff very rarely happens by itself to me. The kind of stuff that happens just by pure luck or co-incidence. That stuff hardly takes place with me. But when it does take place, it makes it big. Real big. And so was the case when I bumped into someone special yesterday after a gap of about a decade. There were so many ways things could have gone other than the way they eventually turned out, prior to me seeing her. At that moment of realization when I was face to face with her, I suddenly got transported to a dream. To a dream I had been undeniably fantasizing ever since I can remember. And things suddenly became very surreal. “Is it really you?” “Yes it is me!” “Then HI!” “Hi!” And then I say, “ And oh yes, Happy Birthday!” And only after I wish her, I realize that it is her birthday. “Hey thanks!” And she offers me some sweets.
What did we speak next? I have no damn idea! But what I do know is that I half expected her to say bye after 5 minutes of talking. But instead she said, “ Can we go have some tea? I am really hungry!” And what did I reply? Well, what the hell else do you think I replied? But what did I do? Well, apart from trying to fathom the magnitude of this sudden stroke of lady luck, and realizing that I had been waiting for and imagining this moment for so damn long, I really do not recollect much. Meeting her once more in my life was something I never really believed in. And meeting her on her birthday and spending 90 minutes with her, watching her talk while she treated me was something I had dared not to even conjure up in my head. And so, all the time, I was just floating in air, not able to believe and accept the fact that all this was actually taking place.
She told me she had read my complete blog just the previous day and so knew practically everything about what I was upto. So there wasn’t much I had to tell her to fill her in. And so she spoke a lot, and I listened, happy to just drop an opinion or a comment here and there. But it wasn’t as much about the talk as it was about the fact that this whole thing was really happening. The suddenness of the situation left me at a complete lack of relevant things to say. All this while, I had imagined over and over again what to tell her when I would meet her, and here she was-right in front of me- and all I was talking about was some useless stuff about how I consider alcohol not to be an addiction and stuff like that! I tried to recollect all the things that I always wanted to tell her but the best I could do was to just repeatedly tell her how she hadn’t changed a bit and about how difficult it was for me to comprehend the sudden meeting. I also happened to tell her that frankly, for quite some time, I half expected someone-anyone- to suddenly tell me that she had got married. She just laughed at that! And what also happened was that it wasn’t ‘anyone’ who told me she was getting married. She herself did. She told me the groom hunt was on and that anytime now, she could find a suitable match- match being defined as an approval from her parents. And that news didn’t as much shock or disappoint me as it brought me to accept the eventual reality that I had been simply over-ruling-the fact that people I know will never get married!
90 minutes is a long time if you have to wait in a queue or for a concert to start. But it surely is the fastest duration of time that you would have ever gone through when you are living your long fantasized and hopelessly unfulfilled desire of meeting someone special for just one more time. It was quite literally, a dream come true. And so as I finally parted in the evening, I felt that perhaps I had indeed seen her for the last time. And like last time around, I just wished our meeting didn’t have to end. But it did. And amidst all that sudden development of events, I realized, albeit a bit too late, that I had blown my chance of fulfilling that one other high school dream of mine, and that that one thing will be a wish unfulfilled- always. And in spite of that, I found I had a genuine smile plastered on my damn face- again (the last time being the day I got stoned after my project submission at the end of Final Semester in NITK.) Atleast now, I have something to draw from my memory bank whenever I want to.
Like I said, it was all too surreal for me. It still is. It might have all been just a dream. The way things happened so suddenly and so very much in my favor- its really hard to believe. I usually don’t write emotional and sentimental posts. But this one warranted an exception to be made. And so here I am-telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. God Help Me…