The DOLEY Chronicles
Ok. This was inevitable. I just had to do it. This post is dedicated to one of the strangest and most weird character I have ever come across in my life. All fellow NITKians know him and would have surely interacted with him at some point of time or another. I am of course talking about the one and only Rajmohan Doley. I am writing this post without the slightest idea of the state (or absence) of his existence. But nevertheless, his was such a character that it warranted a post exclusively to delve into the depths of it.
I don’t exactly recollect when I saw him first in the hostel. Of what I do recollect, the first impression I got after seeing him was that he was well built and possessed a unique walking style. And after you had heard him speak for like 10 seconds, you are likely to convince yourself that Timmy has a higher IQ. Throughout the 4 years, I think it would be safe to assume that he was the guy who spent the highest time in the library, but to hardly any effect! He was living in the same floor as I was and quickly became famous as the guy from Arunachal Pradesh (I think) who believed continuous exercising was the only way to improve his body (including the part in his brain). Now when I say exercising, I just don’t mean the gym going types. I am talking about a total exercise and body building freak here. One of my first encounters with this guy took place in the 1st year during the exams.
Without having the slightest idea what was in store for me, I coolly barged into my friend’s room with the sole intention to check on his (lack of) progress in his preparation. But the sight that met me when I opened his door and entered his room was not something I had even imagined possible. Because what I saw, was Doley in the room wearing only his trademark extra-short bermuda (which was so short, I suspect it also served as his underwear), oiling himself over his entire body (think ENTIRE) and then bending over to face the small mirror on the table and watching himself as he flexed his muscles in a true body building fashion. But what scared me more was when he turned to see me and said “Hi Akshay!” in his characteristic deep and piercing accent! And ten seconds later, I was back in my room trying to convince myself that nothing else had happened! Now, looking back, I really pity my friend who was in that room with Doley, trying to study with this dude oiling himself all over his body!
Since then, everytime I happened to pass within 50 feet of him, I was victimized by means of him greeting me “Hi Akshay!” in that same deep and piercing accent filled with god-knows-what intention. Soon that “Hi Akshay!” apparently was not enough for him and so everytime he saw me, he would begin to sing that horrible Akshay Kumar song ” Mein hoon seedhi saadhi Akshay Akshay!” and that got me so f***in scared at times because of the way he sang it! It was as if he was trying to communicate something to me!! And then in the second year, just when I hoped that he would end up in a different hostel, I got to know that he would be instead rooming 2 rooms to the left of mine! And thus it was in the second year, that I had some of the most harrowing experiences that I shall describe here.
Anybody who stayed in the Left wing of 3rd Hostel Block during the 2005-2006 year will definitely recollect the sudden onslaught of Murder songs blaring 24/7 from Room No. 17 and which also had this glaringly low audio quality! It just kept f***in playing on and on and just refused to stop! And none of us were sane enough to actually go and confront the guy playing those songs simply because the guy was Doley. And then my roommate gathered his guts and lack of sense to go and talk to Doley to either stop playing that f***ed up Murder songs, or to atleast reduce the volume. Well, the only thing that my room mate got for visiting his room was a big lecture on why music is good for human health and some other irrelevant gibberish! But he gathered one useful piece of information that explained the pronounced low audio quality of those murder songs. Apparently, he saw the actual “instrument” that was used to play those songs. Here is how he explained it to me:
” Do you know these 5.1 speakers- those which have 5 speakers and 1 woofer? Well, Doley has a 1.0!!!!”
I did later confirm it when I just had a peep into his room and saw the single cassette player with just the small in built speaker blaring “Bheege hont tere….”
There was also another dimension to his unique character and that was his blatant (lack of ) hygiene. He continued to wear those same underwear-cum-shorts for all his activities (again, think ALL). Many of the days, there was no water in the bathrooms or toilets apart from the emergency tap (better known as Magic Tap). The usual practice was to get the maximum amount of water in your bucket, go to the toilet, finish your daily chores and get out. And one day again, completely oblivious to what I would be witnessing, I went to the bathrooms, standing in front of the mirror lined up above the long sink and began to brush. There was no water so I had filled my bucket with water enough for my brushing from the magic tap. And then as I was brushing, Doley pops up with his “Hi Akshay!”. I just smile weakly and continue brushing. He is still wearing the same stuff and only that. He takes his mug and fills water with it and goes to the toilet and locks the door. I try not to think of the size of the mug and continued brushing. Some time later, Doley emerges from the toilet and goes straight to the magic tap with his now empty mug and fills it and then goes back!!!!!!! WTF??????WTF????? I got so freaked out that I just ran!
And to now realize that some 40 0f us including me shared the bathrooms with him gets me the shivers!
But the most harrowing experience was yet to come. And if you were in NITK and I knew you well, I would have probably told you about it! But let me recollect it here for the benefit of the less fortunate.
I was sleeping when the power went off. I woke up out of instinct and checked the time on my mobile. It was around 4 in the morning. I looked around and it was pitch dark. Nothing, absolutely nothing was visible. I just lay on my bed, awake thinking of nothing in particular when suddenly the door of the room slams open and a voice reminiscent of a Tantrik, boldly starts chanting “OM NAMAH SHIVAYA! OM NAMAH SHIVAYA!!”
WTF??? I mean seriously WTF???!!!???
I was startled with the complete suddenness of the whole thing! I could faintly see a figure moving around in the room and THAT got me freaked out! I began to get all weird thoughts of whatever was happening then. Was it actually a Tantrik? Or was it some stranger who had lost his mind? I had no f***in clue what the f*** was happening! “Who is it?” I shouted. And then the familiar voice of Doley responded,”Oh this is not Room 17?? Which room is this?” I told him which room it was and then he said,”Oh sorry sorry ok…” and then started making some noise which I supposed was some kind of expression of humor but which sounded more like some freaky warning signal! And as soon as he left, I just ran and bolted the damn door! I couldnt sleep after that and stayed awake in the dark. And after that, there was not a single day that I slept with my door unlocked!!
I am telling you that incident got me real freaked out for the rest of the second year! I soon developed some kind of phobia towards him that just refused to go away. He shifted to a different hostel block for the 3rd and Final Years and I hardly had an encounter that lasted longer than a “Hi Akshay!” and I was happy about it. But everytime I saw him, I really tried my best to avoid him and go somewhere else if I could.
I really have no idea where he is now or if he is still there! I am pretty much sure he still exists somewhere and that if, god forbid, I am to meet him ever again in my life, I am sure I will still be greeted with another piercing and deep “Hi Akshay!”
Posted on May 13, 2009, in Arbit, My sense of Humour, NITK, Nonsense, The things that happen only to ME... and tagged 5.1, body building, Doley, exercise, hygiene, iq, NITK, phobia, scared, shorts, tantrik, underwear. Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.