Bliss Factor

It has been close to two months now, since I set foot here in America. Two months of experiencing something new and experiencing it first hand. And I like it here. Thats just it. I simply, like it here. Maybe its the small size of the town, or maybe its the nice climate, or maybe its the excitement of meeting new people. Perhaps, it may just be about how happy and contended I feel about my decision to come here. Whatever maybe the reason, I can, without any hesitation, say that I like it here

PEACE...

Perhaps I could attribute a major portion of my satisfaction to my program including the professors and the facilities that come along with it. Not to forget some very like minded classmates that I have been able to befriend. It is difficult to express the bliss I feel everytime I decide to study and find people around me actually encouraging me to spend time studying. This in contrast with all the mockery and ridicule I faced back in India during Undergrad while trying to do the same (And incidentally, unlike most of the other programs, I find that there is just one more Indian in my class). It really is something different to be in a position to decide to study at any point and actually be able to do it well. And the way ideas and concepts revealed themselves when I recently immersed myself in a topic for a few hours, reminded me of the long forgotten raw bliss, the experience of which was my only purpose in life. And now, when I realize that I really don’t have anything else on my mind and that  my greatest concern is about submitting my assignments on time, I am quite certain that this is the time when I can go back to fulfilling that purpose.

There have been a whole load of things that have definitely contributed to my bliss here. One of them, and inevitably I have to say, is alcohol. After discovering that Beer is cheaper than water here, my weekends have inevitably involved at least 2 l of Beer, the operative words being “at least”. The entire town just comes alive on Friday nights when every single person is likely to be found in some or the other pub/bar. If you want to see and appreciate the feminine beauty in this place, you need to necessarily visit downtown bars on a Friday night. Beer is really such an everyday concept that it is almost considered a taboo if you do NOT drink beer! And you will know you are in America when you find yourself drinking a whole load of beer and wine with all your professors in their home! In fact, that was part of the icebreaker arranged for everyone in my program and to which I had taken the Bhel Puri that I had prepared myself (Ellarigu Kadlepuri Thinnisdhe!!).

And then there is this whole new experience of seeing skin. You know it for a fact; you have been prepared for it; you have seen them in all Hollywood movies- but irrespective of all of that, when you see that extra piece of feminine skin in front of your own eyes, it is only then that you truly understand that you are indeed far, far away from home! Seriously speaking, sometimes you see some females wearing such clothes that you really wonder why they even need to wear whatever they are wearing. And everytime you feel you are getting used to it, there comes along a girl wearing a dress that makes you go “WTF??!!???” all over again. Not that I am complaining, but its just the fact I have seen more skin here in the past 2 months than I had seen in my entire life previously.

Technology and infrastructure take whole new meaning in here. The fear of getting sued for millions of dollars has probably put everyone on the path to perfection. And so you will find internet connections of 7Mbps which basically means that I (FINALLY) get to watch 4 Champions League matches simultaneously! Pandora and MySpace become the two new sources of music that I have never gotten tired of exploring. Of course, with all this, the price we pay is the inability to download torrents without ending up in jail. But I think I will settle for that.

And with regard to my food, about which I had cribbed so much last time around, I have to say that my culinary skills have vastly and very quickly improved. I find it extremely easy and nice to cook twice a day. And make no mistake here. I am not talking about bland stuff like rasam or Upma. I am talking serious cooking like Sambhar with different vegetables, different gravies, dal palak, dal, Akki Rotti, Veg Pulao, Peas Pulao, Shavige bath, Brinjal and Capsicum Bath, egg curry etc. I somehow am pleasantly surprised myself that I am able to cook everything with such ease.

And so, on the whole, I have to say that, contrary to my expectations,  I really don’t have anything to crib about here. And, having been at the receiving end of many plans-in-life-going-wrong, I am not setting any long term goals nor am I making any plans as to where I will be when. I am just going with the flow, letting the system take me wherever it is supposed to take me and all I am concerning myself with are my assignments and tests. Everything else seems to either fade away or just fall into place. Such a certainty in having made the perfect decision comes but very rarely……

And I am going to a METALLICA concert on October 17. LIFE IS GOOD…..FINALLY!

Arriving Somewhere…

So finally here I am, writing this inevitable post, after I have got settled in my new home. It has been just over 2 weeks since I arrived here in Blacksburg, Virginia. Two weeks during which I came, I saw and I drank beer!

Leaving India for the first time, I somehow just didn’t go through any of the pre-departure blues that was so much drilled into my head. In fact, my last day in India was all a bit surreal. As I was done with most of my packing by then, I was never really in a rush. So went to visit a couple of my close friends and then I was all set to go to the airport. The flights-Bangalore to Mumbai, Mumbai to Atlanta, Atlanta to Roanoke- were quite uneventful in themselves, apart from of course the highly admirable Kingfisher Air Hostesses and the very very large collection of movies that was on offer in the 18 hour non-stop Delta flight. But I will probably remember the Delta flight more for the missed opportunity on my part to have free beer and wine on flight and get high-literally and figuratively! (HTF??!!??)

And since arrival, I have had much to see and do. Blacksburg, being a village by American Standards, made my transition into America much easier. Sure there are wide roads and the people are different and there is a lot more order around but it hasn’t taken me long to get to know this place well and feel at home in here. The excitement of meeting people from all over the planet never abated at any point of time. Attending the regular get togethers at the International Center has been one of the highlights over the past 2 weeks. And also due to the significant Indian contingent, I never really felt out of place or alienated.

The place as such is quite small and it took me all of 1 week to travel all around it. But at the same time, it is one of the most beautiful and picturesque places I have ever come across. Situated right at the heels of a mountain range, Blacksburg provides many breath taking views, many times right from the windows of the houses. A 45 minute drive to a nearby Claytor Dam lake was perhaps the best of it all. The weather here, is pretty  much the same as it was in Bangalore, with the only difference that this place reserves the right to rain with absolutely no prior notice of any kind. And also of note, is the day timings what with the sun deciding to set only after 9 in the night!

There have been many changes that I have had to adapt myself to -inevitably. Some good, some not so good, and some bad. On the good side, there is the very useful law (and one that I have never got tired of exploiting to my own benefit) that requires vehicles to stop for pedestrians to cross. There is also this really really punctual Bus service that runs through the town where one has to actually “request” for a stop! (At this point, I am making an honest effort not to compare the aboriginal BMTC back home with its counterpart here). But perhaps, more significant than any other observation that I might have made, the friendly nature of the people here is definitely worth mentioning. Back home, we are never really used to being wished by complete strangers or being thanked for something that we are just supposed to be doing. There is a basic sense of courtesy around here that everybody respects and follows.

And now on the bad side, is the food! Where I used to eat dosa for breakfast, Americans eat beef. Whenever I had Samosa or Pani Puri, Americans prefer beef. Where I used to eat rice, Americans prefer beef. And sometimes they even eat  random parts of the leftovers of the cow carcass which somehow magically metamorphoses  into a conveniently edible form of a pizza. The name given to this – I think it is called Corn Dogs- is almost euphemistic in nature! And so you now see, where my troubles begin. My own cooking, I have to say, has already gone through various stages on the “edible” chart. Incessant experimenting led me to making Aloo Capsicum when I had set out to prepare a rice bath. A mixed vegetable gravy eventually traspired to be more of an Aloo Mash. Upma, the one dish that I had sworn I would never touch, suddenly became the staple food for a few days. Other staple food include eggs, bread, to an extent rice, and of course the Veggie Burger at Burger King. Also trust me when I say that the Apocalypse is indeed near. If you don’t believe me, then please look out for the mutated vegetables that one is bound to eat here. These include 1/4 kg capsicum ( and I am talking about 1 Capsicum), wax bananas, onions the size of a small watermelon and some really really long carrots! And so canned vegetables is now the new order of the house. Oh and BTW, TORTILLAS SUCK!!! For the uninitiated, Tortillas are supposed to be the Mexican equivalent of the Roti or the Chapathi-only they are NOT! It lies somewhere between a Dosa gone horribly wrong, stale bread, decayed cheese and some randomly chosen white or brown powder for flour. But thankfully, I discovered an Indian food store where I get the original roti and parathas and hence am now not in the process of asking my mom to courier food everyday.

But apart from all the food, lies the drinks. And in case you are not aware, Beer is ACTUALLY cheaper than water here!!! It is not a myth, but a solid fact. In fact, if there is one thing that you  CAN convert into Indian rupees, it would only be BEER. And here is the best part: It is still going to be cheaper! And so, as a natural consequence, some extra-ordinary amounts of beer has been bought and devoured in the past couple of weeks. This included a  5 day nightly ritual of 3-4 cans of Budweiser and the consumption of a 1 liter bottle of JACK DANIEL’s by just me and my friend- with some totally delirious consequences (there are still traces of unclaimed food stains in the bathrooms!). And last night’s dance party at a nearby pub was also inevitably filled with loads of beer, and fun!

On the whole, I have to say that I am finding my feet here and am already feeling at home. Just a little more purchasing to do-including my mobile and laptop- and then I will be fully set. I have personally undergone many changes myself- in what I talk, in the way I dress and in the way I see things. It is almost that I am sensing a kind of a paradigm shift taking place. I am already looking forward for the classes to start. And of what I have been repeatedly told, “I WILL BE BUSY”. I just hope this doesn’t come too much in the way of my blogging.  There will definitely be more that I will seek to write about in the near future as and when things happen.

Updating my Existence

It has been a very eventful few weeks I have to say. Maybe not so much on my blog as off it. And now I am finally all settled and ready to venture into some unknown territory (read continent). So in order not to disappoint my (continuously and inevitably) diminishing reader count, I have embarked upon this new post just to shed some light on all the various exciting stuff (and I am not talking about Michael Jackson) that I might at some point of time use as an excuse for my diminishing posting frequency. So in no particular order, here goes:

1. After months together of internal and external debate and tearing myself apart and some subsequent coin tossing, I finally decided to shift continents-from Europe to North America. More specifically, from Imperial College London to Virginia Tech. There were a lot of pros and cons for each of them. VT was simply better in all aspects including finance, research exposure etc. But Imperial College had Stamford Bridge next door! (God Damn it!) But then, after talking for hours over the phone with Royan, who repeatedly drilled into me (and I have to say, in a biased manner) that USA is a better place etc etc, and then with some first hand info from a VT student, I finally made the call and I am now fully happy that I made the right one. But I guess, in the end, it all really boiled down to Royan’s tireless efforts to make me apply to VT in the first place. And for that (and of course the alcohol inspiration), I think he has more than made up for all the stabs in the hostel!
2. Of course, the decision making was only the beginning of what was to be an extra-ordinarily painful ordeal of applying for a bank loan and getting all the visa documents readied. And after months together of effort, I finally got my visa a few days back and now I know for sure where I am going. And a word of suggestion about bank loans-and this stems solely from my own experience: I strongly recommend CANARA BANK for all your education loans. I have been extremely impressed by the speed and manner in which all my formalities were handled and am also indebted to all the people involved who made it possible for me to get my Loan approved before my Visa interview.
3. Also worth mentioning, just a few weeks back, I almost got rammed into from behind by a speeding Indica late in the night. All thanks to a speed breaker built at a particularly inappropriate zone (and the subsequent marking of that zone as “dangerous”), I could have as well not lived to write this. Watching an Indica do a complete 180 topple some 3 feet behind you when you are in a lame 2 wheeler is not exactly exciting. More so when you realize that the driver did what he did just to avoid ramming into me! But miraculously, the driver escaped without as much as a scratch! And I ‘escaped’ from the accident scene soon after- for reasons Logik didn’t bother to reveal as well. Oh and BTW, it took me some 5 days to get out of my house with the same lame  wheeler again.
4. And so having found insane amounts of time at my disposal in recent months (apart from the harrowing visa process), I hit upon this idea of doing something more constructive and substantial. I realized that I could not really get into any job as such. So I turned my attention to my writing. Having been really impressed and inspired by some of the books and blogs that I have been reading lately, I started a new blog dedicated solely to the adventures and escapades of certain characters that I developed. The blog is here. It mainly consists (or will consist) of a series of short stories about the life of a 22 year old guy who finds himself in the middle of a lot of unusual situations. The stories are almost completely original, with only a very few instances based upon something that I have seen or experienced. Realizing the inevitability of basing a character on oneself, I have made a conscious effort not to base the main character Samir on myself. I have started this new blog with quite a bit of seriousness and hope to atleast write one post every week from now on. As of now, I have only written one post and it is about Samir losing his virginity. I wish I could say this one was based on my own experiences, but alas no. So please do follow the blog (you will find the link at the adjacent column always) and I hope to keep my end of the deal of updating it regularly as well.
5. In celebration of my Visa arrival, there was a sizeable party at my house with an even more sizeable presence of alcohol. So much so, I still have leftovers. The party may be remembered for such things like me preparing the World’s worst cocktail (and my subsequent failure at that) consisting of Shark Tooth Vodka, Grappo Fizz, Godrej Xs KIWI juice, Coke and some Blue Riband Gin as well. Also of note, is how my cousin will always forever rue that night to be the one time his younger sister beat him to a certain feat, a fact that will hitherto remain secret from their mother.
6. After what seemed like a virtual impossibility, I finally went to Wonderla with a couple of friends, one of whom is better known here in this blog for her involvement in a certain handbag hunting expedition. The trip, though initially threatening to make me feel worse, eventually exceeded my expectations and has definitely become something that I will remember for a long time.
7. I am presently in the midst of a shopping and meeting people spree, largely due to the 17 days that I have left in this country. I will maybe have a  few more drinking sessions before I leave and am presently in the process of learning the nuances of cooking at home. Any of you people ready to play guinea pig please feel free to drop by.

So there it is. Some of the things that define ‘exciting’ for me. I will be leaving to Virginia on August 2 with a Junior of mine from college and hope to be able to blog after going there as well. But till then, I hope to write as much as possible. In fact, I hope to write at least one post a day till I leave. Ok…Now I know what you are thinking and I fully agree- HOPE IS A GOOD THING….

How NOT to pay a tribute to Michael Jackson

This post is my tribute to Michael Jackson and in this, I shall describe in full detail exactly how NOT to pay a tribute. This post is essentially a response to an editorial piece that appeared in The New Indian Express the day after MJ’s death which can be found here. The piece was written by the Editor-in-chief Mr. Aditya Sinha himself and is titled “POP GOES THE KING.” I would suggest the reader to first read the editorial piece and then read my response to that.

First, let us set the context right. This editorial appears the day after the entire world is shocked to learn about MJ’s death. I for one, having been a long time admirer of his works, was particularly disappointed. The entire world flooded the internet with messages paying tribute to the king of pop. Practically every news channel was running the same story. Now this being the case, I open the editorial the next day and I found an article titled “Pop goes the King” which essentially described why One person (Mr. Sinha) considered Michael Jackson as someone “who lacked dignity at his core.”

The article can very easily be classified as the point of view of one single individual as most of the comments that he has made inevitably involve “I never really liked…”, “My objection to…”, “I could not understand…”, “I was ready to believe….”, “I almost feel sorry for….” etc.  In fact the article itself begins with “I never really liked Michael Jackson…”. The article thus begins with such a self-centered approach and the same tone is carried on throughout without giving the slightest explanation as to why the writer’s personal preference and opinion should necessarily constitute the real image of the person in question. There is absolutely no basis provided for any of the conclusions that are drawn apart from the writer’s own preferences and very clearly biased points of view. Let me elaborate with some quotes.

In the very beginning, Mr. Sinha states “My objection to Michael Jackson’s songs was that they were too stupid for me and appealed to the lowest common denominator.” Apart from the very obvious reference to HIS OWN tastes, it should be noted that he terms that MJ’s songs were “too stupid”  for him. Not caring to elaborate on what exactly constituted the “stupid” part in all of the celebrated Michael Jackson catalog, he goes on to state that the songs appealed to the “Lowest common Denominator.” And in the next sentence he goes on to state who or what he considered as the Lowest Common Denominator. He says “After all, which college intellectual wants to share his musical tastes with grandmothers and 13-year-old girls?” Now apart from the very obvious point that so many high profile people in various capacities around the world are big fans of MJ, I am curious about one thing. If it can be considered that, say, Pink Floyd songs are not stupid (if you disagree, kindly leave this blog), and assuming that Mr. Sinha likes Pink Floyd (or if it is Kishore Kumar, feel free to substitute), then on what basis can he say that there is no 13 year old girl or grandmothers who listen to them? Because, as he himself has put it, he wouldn’t want to share his musical taste with them. I sense a generous dose of hypocrisy in here. He goes on to rationalize his way of thinking by quoting what Socrates might have said “If something was popular then it probably wasn’t good.” At this point, I would like to state that one has to understand that there is a difference between something being “popular” and something being “contemporary”. Michael Jackson was (and will always remain) popular, but he was in no way contemporary.

Other aspects dealt with in the article include his plastic surgery from black to white. And in response to this, Mr. Sinha starts “Perhaps he felt shame in being black…” Again, without making any effort in providing any information/incident that might form the basis for this personal opinion, a statement suggesting Jackson suffering from shame about his color is made. His new appearance is then broken apart and criticised for each part in the following lines and is compared to The Joker from Batman comics. But the real striking remark is made in the next line when he says : “It is arguable whether he looked HUMAN.” Criticising a person’s look is one thing. Calling for a debate whether he looked human or not is something totally different. I am not even going to respond to this horrifying and baseless personal opinion. But alas, the criticisms don’t stop there. Further personal opinion is doled out with his change in looks being termed “..a pathological attempt at self-improvement” and he then contrasts Jackson’s “self disgust” (again, this is the writer’s own inference) to America electing an African American for President. He then suddenly, out of nowhere and having offered no reason, states that “Michael Jackson really had lost touch with reality.”

And while dealing with MJ’s child molestation case, Mr. Sinha says, “.. by the time that news of Michael Jackson’s troubles with little boys came, I was ready to believe the worst about him.” Somehow I am not surprised at all. But what really put me off, was the suggestion that MJ got acquitted just because “nothing could be proved against him” and the comparison of MJ’s trial to that of the infamous OJ Simpson case when it is written “..or perhaps, like O J Simpson (who killed his wife and her lover but was acquitted), he had a sympathetic jury.” This particular paragraph, I have to say, contains as much suggestion and speculation as it lacks solid facts. He further makes an inference, again based solely on what it all meant personally to him, as to how MJ could have possibly committed the crimes by stating : “the fact that he tried to change his skin colour meant to me that he lacked dignity at his core, and if he lacked that, then anything was possible.”

The main reason why I sat down to take the pains to write this long post was not just because I have always been a die-hard MJ fan. But it is mainly because of the way in which a complete editorial was dedicated to air the opinion of one man about how his preferences and opinions went against popular belief. I do understand that Mr. Sinha is a highly qualified individual who holds an extremely high post in the Indian print media. I also recognize his right to personal opinion, and being in that high position, I also recognize his authority to write an editorial to his liking. My objections to this editorial are not as much about the content of the article, as it is about it’s timing. There is always a place and time to air certain views about certain people. And writing an article such as this when the whole world is mourning the death of a star who defined a generation is definitely incongruous and wrongly timed. If anything, it is only demeaning to all the millions of fans around the world.

I now wonder. The author of the article has made comments terming Michael Jackson as a person who “lacked dignity” offering no basis whatsoever apart from his own personal opinion. And this statement is made the very next day  after Michael Jackson passed away, in the editorial of a leading national daily in India. Something doesn’t seem right. Something seems out of place. Come to think of it, I now wonder as to who it is exactly that “lacks dignity”.

Thank you M S Dhoni….

Oh man! Even before I write anything, I know this is going to be my most satisfying post ever! The way I have got it all planned out to belt the shit out of something I detest so passionately has got me licking my lips! Ah! I can almost taste the bliss! So here goes….

Yesterday, at around 9 PM, my dad came home from work and thanks to the extra-ordinarily large number of banal choices available to watch on TV, my dad chose the most banal one-NEWS. He started shifting through a few news channels, suddenly getting confused whether he was hearing echoes or just some daily repetitive news. After he realized that it didn’t really make any difference (hehe….or so he thought!), he finally settled on this particular Indian news channel that has a close relationship to a certain Print media product which I particularly detest with all my heart and soul. (Oh common! Don’t we all???) The newsreader dude was looking like he had come fully prepared to tell the entire country some earth shattering news that was supposed to leave everyone spellbound! Or in other words, this dude just looked PLAIN STONED! Stoned not as in

Stoned Indian Kid (Courtesy Vishal Patel)

but as in

Truly Stoned (Courtesy Arctic Monkeys)

But the STONED part shouldn’t really matter now should it?

Then suddenly there is this one moment when you know Stoned News Reader is going to shift to “DRAMATIZE” gear. And thus began the tantrums…about how MSD “lost his cool” and how Viru should have been “more transparent” about his injury and how, eventually (and inevitably I may add) the BCCI is to be blamed for all of this! Stoned (and Excited…Woah! Now how is that going to look like?) News Reader was doing his best to make the (lack of ) news sound so important and necessary for all the public to know about why a Professional Cricket player playing all year round all over the world should get injured. Ok. Didn’t they realize that the answer is in the question itself? Oh I am sorry. I forgot Stoned Newsreader has an IQ less than Doley (which further implies that his IQ is lesser than that of Timmy too!).  My Bad. And so we hear Stoned Newsreader stressing (literally) and pausing (literally) at practically every syllable of every word in a practiced  and moronic attempt to let the news sink in the minds of the news watcher. And the poor newswatchers! I mean common… For a majority of them,  at the end of the day, all they need for a Delta increment in Self Esteem is to be part of a world where “important” stuff seems to be happening around them-”important” being defined by  Stoned Newsreaders Inc.!

And so as the diatribes built up, Stoned Newsreader decided it was time to take the opinion of “experts” in this matter. Here “experts” take the meaning of 3 Guest Speculators who actually make a living out of Guest Speculating. Usually these Guest Speculators are out of favor/out of talent/retired or simply forgotten cricketers. But these 3 didn’t fall under any of the above 4 categories. Instead they fell under the Professional Guest Speculator category wherein one’s main profession is to Guest Speculate on TV shows such as the one I was watching. All Professional Guest Speculators usually adhere to a script, prepared much in advance by Stoned Newsreaders Inc. And so the “discussion” went on without a hitch, with all 3 GSs strictly adhering to the script by denouncing every possible thing and person related to Indian Cricket- including Indian Cricket itself! All this while Stoned Newsreader’s face bore the Stoned & Successful expression and continued to stick to his own script as the Guest Speculators stuck to theirs. There was even a still picture on the screen which showed a prominent Red Rectangular Box on Sehwag’s pic identifying that part of the body to be a shoulder. Beside that there was a fully labelled picture of a human shoulder and its various parts! The pictures seemed to be  serving their sole purpose of helping the Stoned NewsReaders Inc to know what their script deals with.  And so everything was going on fine. But then suddenly, out of nowhere and with no warning, GS3 decided to deviate from the script and began to talk sense! And so you could here GS3 make statements like “One cannot blame MSD for his actions. It was the media that provoked him. The media should have acted more maturely by not blowing this whole thing out of proportion. His reaction is completely justified!!” Stoned Newsreader suddenly found himself in this extremely rare situation of being in front of a camera on National News Channel WITHOUT a script! He panicked and just began to shake his head in total disbelief, trying to interrupt GS3 hoping to remind him to just stick to his script and not make irrelevant statements. But alas, much to the embarrassment of Stoned Newsreader and Stoned Newsreaders Inc., GS3 continued his tirade against the media for irresponsible handling of the affairs! So much so, Stoned Newsreader almost woke up from his stoned state with a “WTF am I doing in front of a National News Channel camera when I could be  more stoned at home?” expression on his face and so he continued to shake his head-this time in complete resignation. But then suddenly, he underwent a spike in the activity (and UNstoned) part of his brain and quickly wound up the “discussion” and thanked the Guest Speculators for sticking to their scripts-well mostly. My guess is that fellow members of  Stoned Newsreaders Inc. realized that he was not so high and so infused some invisible Marijuana smoke or Meth Vapors through strategically placed smoke inlets in order to give him the temporary power to wind up the  discussion which was threatening to go out of control. Then they immediately went into a break-during which time Not-so-Stoned Newsreader had a couple of joints so that he can turn back to Stoned Newsreader and also so that he doesn’t feel the pain of his job. (Hey don’t these shit scavengers and funeral procession dudes also get high just before their job? Hmm….I am sensing a pattern here..)

And as if that wasn’t enough, the print sister of the news channel decided to go on a rampage of their own, what with they getting extra rights for having started this whole rumor in the first place!! So you had articles titled “Dhoni giving Viru a Cold Shoulder?” and “Dhoni and Sehwag at Loggerheads??” or some In House Senior Dude Blog Speculator making retarded statements like “Dhoni’s Men in Blue are not in pink of health”. But what is even more incredible is the way the content is presented. Sample these:

“… reports about simmering tensions between Indian captain MS Dhoni and vice-captain Virender Sehwag are fast threatening to undermine India’s defence of the ICC World Twenty20″

“Rumour mills are abuzz that the two had an ugly faceoff during a team meeting”  –Excuse me… Doesnt RUMOR MILLS==MEDIA REPORTS==THE MORON WHO WROTE THIS ‘NEWS’ ARTICLE???

“Who is leaking the information about team fitness?” -some moron journo asks MSD.  — WTF? I mean if MSD knew who was leaking the info, would there have been any leaked info in the first place?

“MSD gave cryptic answers to questions about his awareness of Viru’s injury like “Yes I am”!” —-WTF? In all my experience of Cryptic and Direct Crosswords, I am pretty much sure there is nothing more DIRECT than a “Yes I am” as a reply to ” Are you aware of the injury?”

“The sudden announcement that Virender Sehwag is returning home due to a shoulder injury and skipper MS Dhoni’s  somewhat strange conduct at a press conference on Tuesday has generated strong speculation that the two players are at loggerheads.” — I mean common! With Professional Speculating replacing Journalism, these comments are bound to happen right??

Now this newspaper quoted Ravi Shastri as saying “It will be a miracle if India win this T20 World Cup” and then after Shastri clarified that he never said anything like that, the same newspaper puts up an article which says “Knowing how fiercely patriotic Shastri is, one could sense there was something wrong….His quotes make no mention of an miracle. Some people do have imagination!” —-Now correct me if I am wrong, but didnt the Newspaper mock itself???

And then as a spin-off in a related website, a discussion starts with the title “Is Dhoni becoming arrogant?” when the real discussion should have been “Should Guest Speculating be banned?” or “Should Stoned Newsreaders Inc. be banned as a terrorist organization?”

But what really got me laughing was a certain comment to the Blog retardedly titled “Dhoni’s Men in Blue are not in pink of health”. The article went on to portray every player in the Indian side to either be out of form or unfit to play in the T20 World Cup. Check out the following reply to that post:

“After reading this article…I’m wondering if India should be playing at all? We should leave the author and his merrymen (Read Stoned Newsreaders Inc)  to carry the Indian flag – by the sounds of this article, they are the only fit 11 left.”

I would rather read FakeIPLplayer for more entertainment!

I am afraid I cannot give a link to that article or for that matter take up any names at all due to the fear of being sued. What with reading about a certain TV News Channel female journo, who specializes in Over-Dramatizations, suing an innocent blogger for his criticisms in the way she handled the 26/11 attacks. And also that time when a certain Indian Institute of Something and Something, which continues to occupy more space in newspapers than Manmohan Singh himself, suing another Blogger dude for stating some facts. And some other related nonsense.. And so I have not revealed any names. But that shouldn’t really matter now should it? All of you know exactly which newspaper and which News Channel I am referring to.

*** Sucks!!!

PS: By the way, the title of the post, thanking MSD is largely for inspiring me enough to get back to blogging after a brief hiatus. Thank you Mahendra Singh Dhoni and Good Luck.

The sudden announcement that Virender Sehwag is returning home due to a shoulder injury and skipper MS Dhoni’s

somewhat strange conduct at a press conference on Tuesday has generated strong speculation that the two players are at loggerheads.

The DOLEY Chronicles

Ok. This was inevitable. I just had to do it. This post is dedicated to one of the strangest and most weird character I have ever come across in my life. All fellow NITKians know him and would have surely interacted with him at some point of time or another. I am of course talking about the one and only Rajmohan Doley. I am writing this post without the slightest idea of the state (or absence) of his existence. But nevertheless, his was such a character that it warranted a post exclusively to delve into the depths of it.

I don’t exactly recollect when I saw him first in the hostel. Of what I do recollect, the first impression I got after seeing him was that he was well built and possessed a unique walking style.  And after you had heard him speak for like 10 seconds, you are likely to convince yourself that Timmy has a higher IQ. Throughout the 4 years, I think it would be safe to assume that he was the guy who spent the highest time in the library, but to hardly any effect! He was living in the same floor as I was and quickly became famous as the guy from Arunachal Pradesh (I think) who believed continuous exercising was the only way to improve his body (including the part in his brain). Now when I say exercising, I just don’t mean the gym going types. I am talking about a total exercise and body building freak here. One of my first encounters with this guy took place in the 1st year during the exams.

Without having the slightest idea what was in store for me, I coolly barged into my friend’s room with the sole intention to check on his (lack of) progress in his preparation. But the sight that met me when I opened his door and entered his room was not something I had even imagined possible. Because what I saw, was Doley in the room wearing only his trademark extra-short bermuda (which was so short, I suspect it also served as his underwear), oiling himself over his entire body (think ENTIRE) and then bending over to face the small mirror on the table and watching himself as he flexed his muscles in a true body building fashion. But what scared me more was when he turned to see me and said “Hi Akshay!” in his characteristic deep and piercing accent! And ten seconds later, I was back in my room trying to convince myself that nothing else had happened! Now, looking back, I really pity my friend who was in that room with Doley, trying to study with this dude oiling himself all over his body!

Since then, everytime I happened to pass within 50 feet of him, I was victimized by means of him greeting me “Hi Akshay!” in that same deep and piercing accent filled with god-knows-what intention. Soon that “Hi Akshay!” apparently was not enough for him and so everytime he saw me, he would begin to sing that horrible Akshay Kumar song ” Mein hoon seedhi saadhi Akshay Akshay!” and that got me so f***in scared at times because of the way he sang it! It was as if he was trying to communicate something to me!! And then in the second year, just when I hoped that he would end up in a different hostel, I got to know that he would be instead rooming 2 rooms to the left of mine! And thus it was in the second year, that I had some of the most harrowing experiences that I shall describe here.

Anybody who stayed in the Left wing of 3rd Hostel Block during the 2005-2006 year will definitely recollect the sudden onslaught of Murder songs blaring 24/7 from Room No. 17 and which also had this glaringly low audio quality! It just kept f***in playing on and on and just refused to stop! And none of us were sane enough to actually go and confront the guy playing those songs simply because the guy was Doley. And then my roommate gathered his guts and lack of sense to go and talk to Doley to either stop playing that f***ed up Murder songs, or to atleast reduce the volume. Well, the only thing that my room mate got for visiting his room was a big lecture on why music is good for human health and some other irrelevant gibberish! But he gathered one useful piece of information that explained the pronounced low audio quality of those murder songs. Apparently, he saw the actual “instrument” that was used to play those songs. Here is how he explained it to me:

” Do you know these 5.1 speakers- those which have 5 speakers and 1 woofer? Well, Doley has a 1.0!!!!”

WTF???

I did later confirm it when I just had a peep into his room and saw the single cassette player with just the small in built speaker blaring “Bheege hont tere….”

There was also another dimension to his unique character and that was his blatant (lack of ) hygiene. He continued to wear those same underwear-cum-shorts for all his activities (again, think ALL). Many of the days, there was no water in the bathrooms or toilets apart from the emergency tap (better known as Magic Tap). The usual practice was to get the maximum amount of water in your bucket, go to the toilet, finish your daily chores and get out. And one day again, completely oblivious to what I would be witnessing, I went to the bathrooms, standing in front of the mirror lined up above the long sink and began to brush. There was no water so I had filled my bucket with water enough for my brushing from the magic tap. And then as I was brushing, Doley pops up with his “Hi Akshay!”. I just smile weakly and continue brushing. He is still wearing the same stuff and only that. He takes his mug and fills water with it and goes to the toilet and locks the door. I try not to think of the size of the mug and continued brushing. Some time later, Doley emerges from the toilet and goes straight to the magic tap with his now empty mug and fills it and then goes back!!!!!!! WTF??????WTF????? I got so freaked out that I just ran!

And to now realize that some 40 0f us including me shared the bathrooms with him gets me the shivers!

But the most harrowing experience was yet to come. And if you were in NITK and I knew you well, I would have probably told you about it! But let me recollect it here for the benefit of the less fortunate.

I was sleeping when the power went off. I woke up out of instinct and checked the time on my mobile. It was around 4 in the morning. I looked around and it was pitch dark. Nothing, absolutely nothing was visible. I just lay on my bed, awake thinking of nothing in particular when suddenly the door of the room slams open and a voice reminiscent of a Tantrik, boldly starts chanting “OM NAMAH SHIVAYA! OM NAMAH SHIVAYA!!”

WTF??? I mean seriously WTF???!!!???

I was startled with the complete suddenness of the whole thing! I could faintly see a figure moving around in the room and THAT got me freaked out! I began to get all weird thoughts of whatever was happening then. Was it actually a Tantrik? Or was it some stranger who had lost his mind? I had no f***in clue what the f*** was happening! “Who is it?” I shouted. And then the familiar  voice of Doley responded,”Oh this is not Room 17?? Which room is this?” I told him which room it was and then he said,”Oh sorry sorry ok…” and then started making some noise which I supposed was some kind of expression of humor but which sounded more like some freaky warning signal! And as soon as he left, I just ran and bolted the damn door! I couldnt sleep after that and stayed awake in the dark. And after that, there was not a single day that I slept with my door unlocked!!

I am telling you that incident got me real freaked out for the rest of the second year! I soon developed some kind of phobia towards him that just refused to go away. He shifted to a different hostel block for the 3rd and Final Years and I hardly had an encounter that lasted longer than a “Hi Akshay!” and I was happy about it. But everytime I saw him, I really tried my best to avoid him and go somewhere else if I could.

I really have no idea where he is now or if he is still there! I am pretty much sure he still exists somewhere and that if, god forbid, I am to meet him ever again in my life, I am sure I will still be greeted with another piercing and deep “Hi Akshay!”

My Last 24 Hours @ NITK

This post is exactly 1 year late but I guess I deliberately waited for this day (or maybe I was just plain lazy).  Here I will be recollecting whatever I can of the last 24 hours of my life in NITK before I left it for good.  I left NITK on a bus at 9:30PM on April 24th 2008. And so my recollection starts at around 9:30PM on 23 April 2008.Aft

After the last Cricket match (titled the Aneesh Ghoshta and Sadanand Memorial Cricket Match) in the evening and subsequent bathing and dining, me, Sadanand, Logik, Hiran and Suhas decide to have one last TEA at the Nestle Maggi Center which was such an integral part in our first year. After ending up spending 100 bucks for “TEA” with some unexpected company, Hiran hit upon the idea of revisiting all the rooms that we stayed in the previous years. And so we began our “trip down memory lane” from 2nd Block where we first roomed (Room No. 16) to 3rd Block for my 2nd Year (Room No.19) and then to 4th Block for my 3rd Year (Room No.3). We all tried to recollect each and every one of our neighbours in the entire wing and it was also heartening to see my old room(19) still proudly displaying all my writings on the door and wardrobe. It was really a trip down memory lane.

I was done with drinking alcohol the previous night (for a full detailed description, see Post BTech High Series) and was just downloading from DC++ when Gayru and Choukkar turned up out of nowhere-with a bottle of Old Monk Rum in their hands. And so while we chatted for some time, they forced me to gulp down some of the Old Monk rum saying that THIS was the last night that I would be staying and so I had to do it. I did gulp down a bit. I remember playing “Another Harry’s Bar” by Jethro Tull while they were there and appreciating the relevance of its lyrics. Soon after they left, I realized that I couldn’t really waste my last night at NITK by sleeping.

And so I stayed awake the entire night-downloading stuff from DC++ and writing it on my DVDs. I ended up with about 60 DVDs of stuff by the time I was done. Bo and Bloodshot were the main sources of the downloads-both of them having been awake till late in the morning. And at around 5 in the morning, Vig, P and me went to Thadambail to have the early morning hot buns for the last time. It was as blissfully tasty as ever and I also learnt how Riise had scored an own goal in the dying seconds of the Chelsea-Liverpool Semi FInal FIrst leg of the UEFA Champions League that had got over a few hours back. We parted ways at around 6 and I left my computer for the final downloading session and went to sleep.

Got up at around 8 and began packing immediately. Perhaps the biggest disappointment was the fact that my computer-one of the biggest aspects of the 4 years- met a rather unceremonious end when I had to shut it down when the power went off. Too bad..coz I had planned on a final playlist that I would be playing before I would pack it. Well, that was not to be. But what was sure was most of my day being spent in packing and sending it through the courier. By late afternoon, I was more or less done with the packing and thought of meeting all the profs once before I left. But unfortunately none were to be found. But I did meet someone special on my way back to the hostel after just missing out on saying Goodbye to Gokul.

I did meet some interesting people for the last time. The 1st and 2nd Block cleaner-the guy who goes by the name of Darwin- was the recipient of a cool 50 bucks from my side for having been of immense help many a time during all the 4 years. I wanted to meet the mess workers of Mysore Mess 1 and say goodbye to them, but unfortunately I was really running short of time. So much so, I refused an invitation to accompany Sad and Hiran to the beach. Went around hunting for people to sign the yearbook but was disappointed by learning that many of my classmates had already left.  So I came back to my room and wound up my packing.

Then I just sat there in my room, taking a long last look at my room. There wasnt much to really look at. But it was still everything that I had. I put on my shoes and tossed my backpack around. Kept all my bags outside slowly and took the lock in my hands. Went out of the room and stood facing it. Hesitated for a moment and then I just shut the door and locked it for the last time. And that was it- Room 11, 8th Block, NITK. I went down the corridor and took one last look back and then went on to Pai’s room where I stayed for some more time. Pai offered me a ride to Reddy’s where my bus would come. But I declined it for I didn’t want to miss the last campus walk. Royan accompanied me to the bus stop where a sizeable crowd had already gathered to say goodbye. I for one, went around saying bye to people and enquiring what they were planning to do next. Then finally as my bus came, I realized that practically everyone I would have wanted to see then were around me. Royan, Shodi, P, Pai were all there. Sad and Hiran finally did turn up after their long visit to the beach.Even Logik turned up just before the bus left. I never could really part with Royan-what with me owing him so much for introducing me to alcohol- and so just told him that we dont part and that we would meet again. (I still haven’t met him after that). And so as I waited in the bus for it to leave, I began to think if I was going to actually get so sentimental that I would begin to cry. It didn’t take me long to answer that question. As the bus started and sped past the college campus, I just simply broke down. And the only thing I could think of was to open my bag and wear my NITK ring……

PS: I am writing this post sitting in the same hostel that I spent my final year in. Had come to meet all my teachers and having acheived that, spent my time well here with some alcohol and quite a bit of stuff as well. All thanks to my juniors who were still in the hostel when everyone else had vacated for the holidays.

India in Slow Motion by Mark Tully: A Book Review

India in Slow Motion

It is not so often that one comes across a book that reinforces the potential of presenting facts and situations to capture the interest of a reader in a way that the book becomes both educative and a page turner. INDIA IN SLOW MOTION by Mark Tully does just that. With his immaculately diverse  set of ten typically Indian  real life stories, he has successfully brought about the fundamental flaws in the system that is governing this country. I first interacted with Mark Tully at IIT Bombay during their fest and was impressed by his knowledge and observations. And after reading India in Slow Motion, my respect and admiration for him has grown ten fold.

Most of the book is not as much about exposing the familiar problems plaguing India, as it is about revealing the intricacies, significance and true extent of the same. Topics such as the Ayodhya issue, corruption, droughts, farmer suicides, Kashmir, the IT revolution are not unfamiliar. But the treatment that Tully has meted out to these topics inevitably makes us rethink our own estimation of the nature and significance of the problem. Be it the thrilling, detailed first hand account of the entire Tehelka sting operation which got the Defence Minister to resign, the true tale of Kashmir and why it is in its present state or a little known village in Gujarat that has declared independence from the rest of the country, Tully describes an India which exhibits  a common foundation running through all of them-the NETA-BABU Raj-which he finds to be the single most important factor why India is still a country in Slow Motion.

The book starts off by describing a small but largely representative incident in a remote village  in Madhya Pradesh, where a Cyber Cafe built by an NGO is being brought down on the orders issued by a bureaucrat of the region for not possessing a particular “Internet Service Provider License -II”. This incident is small because it never made to the papers and representative because it shows how the Indian bureaucracy is working to defeat it’s own purpose.  Other stories in the book  deal with many cultural and religious aspects including a first hand account of the Babri Masjid demolition and the subsequent efforts to build a Ram Temple in the same site along with detailed descriptions about the rise and present state of Christianity in Goa and also an informative chapter on Sufism and the stance taken by different Muslim leaders in India.

But the crux of the book lies in the revelation of a large number of small facts that goes a long way in choosing the correct frame of reference to look and judge this country’s state of affairs. A large many assumptions developed over years of exposure to the Indian media is convincingly set right by simply reflecting on these hard facts plaguing the country and of which, the majority of us are blissfully unaware. Sample this: In a chapter dealing solely with the farmer suicides in Karnataka, Tully describes the procedure for a farmer to obtain a low interest loan from a Nationalized Bank as per a Govt scheme. In the words of the Bank Manager:

“Before any farmer can ask for a loan, he has to produce, one-land records, two- records of rights, three-no dues from the government, four-records of all land revenue paid, five-land valuation certificates, six-no dues from agricultural societies, seven-permission from court if applicant is a minor and eighth(and here is the best part!)- NO DUES CERTIFICATES FROM ALL THE OTHER 9 BANKS IN THE AREA!!!!!!”

And to procure the no dues certificate from all the other banks, a farmer has to approach each and every bank individually and get a certificate from each of them!

Another equally glaring fact concerns the structure and the working of the Police force in India. Tully quotes directly from a report submitted by a Senior retired Police Officer who says:

“..the 1861 Act passed by the British Raj still governs the organization, structure, philosophyand working of our police forces at the end of the twentieth century, never mind the phenomenal changes in our social, political, scientific, economic, and cultural spheres over the decades. The pattern adopted by the 1861 Act was based on the Irish Constabulary because Ireland was a colony at that time.”

Another Senior Police Officer says:

“..for the bureaucracy, control over the police has become an intoxicant they are addicted to and are just not willing to give up. And so the act of 1861 continues to be on the statute book even after nearly one hunderd and forty years-a millstone round the police neck”

Here is another concerning the corruption in the Indian Military:

“An Arms dealer has to bribe a Major General around Rs. 10 lakhs just so the dealer can obtain the list of equipment that the Indian Army is looking to test and purchase!”

Simple but revealing facts like these are in abundance in the book largely due to Tully’s first hand investigation into every topic he has written about. One of the best chapters in the book, I found, was the one on corruption which included a detailed first hand account of the entire TEHELKA sting operation by the very man who performed the sting with the hidden camera! The thrilling encounters with the top politicians and military leaders coupled with the glaring and inexcusable stupidity on part of the Generals for believing everything makes the chapter both humorous and thought provoking. The chapter on the Farmer suicides in Karnataka during the drought on the turn of the millenium is also very well documented with facts revealing such a lack of basic common sense among the officials, that one feels there is no hope for the Indian farmer. Like a farmer says,”A farmer in India is born in debt, lives in debt, dies in debt and is reborn in debt!” Another truly memorable quote that perfectly epitomizes  the life of a farmer comes from a farmer who is asked why he is not investing in long term gains and stability by sending his children to school. He says: “Sir, we farmers are not concerned about what happens 10-15 years from now. All we care about is being able to live through today…everyday”

The stories in India in Slow Motion do little to portray India the way political campaigns (like India Shining) do. But at the same time, the stories do not aim to bring out the harsh realities prevailing in the country such as poverty. What it does aim, however, is to give first hand information on issues that every Indian is familiar with. Though a few stories form an exception  to the familiarity aspect, the underlying objective of giving the readers first hand information on the ground reality successfully weaves through these stories as well. Throughout the book, Tully never makes the slightest effort to force his opinion on the reader. In fact, his completely objective portrayal of ground reality obviates the need for the reader to frame an opinion about India’s prospects. And so, instead, his astute observations compel the reader to develop both the positive and negative outlooks about India.

Tully’s inferences always tend to tell a tale of a car trying to move forward with its brakes on. In spite of describing stories that show the blatant inefficiency  and flaws in the governance system, Tully still displays an optimism that stems from recent and not so recent history when India did make the effort to liberate the economy, thereby easing a little off the brakes on its path to development. But the question of how long or what it takes for these changes to come about, though raised, is left deliberately unanswered. This book is a must read before anyone decides to have a say about any aspect of the present state of affairs in India.

Chronicles of an NITK Convocation

This post is very easily over 2 months late in appearing, but nevertheless I was finally able to finish and post it.

It was simply put, the 3 best days I have had in a long long time. Exceeding all my expectations and fantasies, I returned from my convo with a big smile on my face. Here I recollect all my memories from those 3 days.

After much delay and speculation, my convo date was finally fixed on Jan 31 2009. The day I was supposed to be bestowed upon with a Bachelor of Technology degree for my 4 years of improvised laziness and unproductivity. But my plans  included a lot more than just that. Considering the fact that I had been practically sober for over 5 months, my priorities took shape around appropriate issues. I also had a list of things to do in college which I held close to me during my stay there. So, in decreasing order of priority and importance, here is the list of what all I intended to accomplish:

1. Get drunk.
2. Get drunk and then get sloshed.
3. Go for a midnight inebriated walk around the campus.
4. Then get drunk again.
5. Meet all my teachers.
6. Eat the early morning hot Buns at Thadambail.
7. Meet all other relevant people.
8. Eat at 3rd Block Night Canteen.
9. Visit the beach and eat the egg omlette at the nearby shack.
10. Download as much as possible from DC++.
11. And not to forget, I was also supposed to collect my degree!

So with these objectives in mind, I set out to my college in a train accompanied by dozens of fellow to-be-graduates. After getting duly blasted by the TC for being over zealous in disturbing co-passengers who were not to-be-graduates, I went to sleep. At around 9:30 AM, I found Sadanand and myself camping in the same junior’s room and I couldn’t help being reminded that we were room mates once again. The junior looked exactly like how anyone would look half an hour prior to committing suicide. But then, that aside, there were a lot of changes worth noticing in and around the campus. The Highway was in impeccable condition, the new hostel blocks were towering at 7 storeys and a few new buildings were already up and running. But alas! One thing had apparently remained the same, as if in defiance to all the changes happening around-there was still no god damn water in the hostel blocks!

And so, at around 11, I finally met my classmates and went to speak to my teachers. It felt really nice to go back to where it all began for me. Met both my Geotech teachers because of whom I have whatever identity I got right now and informed them of my first admit. Needless to say, they were pretty happy as well. Had lunch at the newly opened “Suraj International” thinking there would be alcohol as well, but alas, they didn’t serve drinks. And soon after, I found myself in Mangalore watching Luck By Chance at Bharath Mall and I have to say, the movie was good.  But the best part of the day was yet to come.

Tul was conducting a quiz (unfortunately under sober conditions) and though I didn’t take part in it, it was anyway an informal affair with a lot of nice questions. Practically the entire quizzing gang had turned up for the quiz and stuck together to get drunk at the one and only Garuda Bar as well. Choukkar, the alcoholic had apparently been sloshed the entire day but didn’t mind  remaining that way for much longer. And as far as I was concerned, I was getting drunk with fellow alcoholics after more than 7 months-and thats all I cared about. And I was duly joined by my room mate alcoholic Sadanand who had, in the meantime, gone to Mangalore on a mission of utmost importance and almost succeeded completely! In spite of his failure, he had still gone one up on my To-do list! And so as he joined the drinking party already drunk,  it became very evident that he was enjoying it! And to add to the shady atmosphere, some old melodious Kannada songs started blaring in the Bar speakers and sounded real awesome! After most of the gang had left, we decided to call it quits at around 12:30 in the night with Gayru who had come all the way from IIM Kolkata and it was nice catching up and belting our very own Karadi. Finally, we ended up in one of our Junior-Harish’s-room nice and high, with plans of watching a movie. Those plans drastically changed 2 minutes into the movie when Sadanand just crashed and went off to sleep. So soon, even I left to my camping room- the dude with the suicide on his face-and went off to sleep.

I woke up early next day, slightly disoriented, wondering for a few seconds where I was and what had happened the previous night. Then when it all came back to me, I got ready and realized I had to get myself registered for the convo. So I went with Sadanand and got registered at the SJA and also convinced him to have the famed Idly-Vada-Sambar breakfast with me at our very own Mysore Mess-I. He was of the opinion that the mess worker would chase us once he found out that we were not students anymore. But nothing like that happened.  A new mess worker gave us the eye but let us eat all the idlis we wanted. And they were still awesome! Free Breakfast!

And as for the convocation itself, all of us were present at the SJA half an hour before time and that was sufficient time to catch up with all of the 18 classmates who had turned up. A dress code of white formal shirts with ties and black trousers and black shoes was flouted by many including me. In due time, the entire senate entered the auditorium to an entrancing music. All the members of the senate were clothed in a strange attire fitting their designations and the whole thing looked more like we were getting inducted into some major cult rather than getting our degrees! And so after all the formalities got underway, the speeches started. And after the speeches ended, the degree giving began. First to all the MTechs and MCAs and then to the BTechs. My parents had come and were watching from the first floor. And I have to say this: The moment I collected my degree which made me a Graduate of Civil Engineering from NITK Surathkal, I felt absolved of all my guilt and regret of not having made it into an IIT and was more than just happy to have spent 4 of my most memorable years here in NITK.

By the time I went back to my room, it was 530 in the evening and Sadanand left to Mangalore with a more noble objective. And I found myself in the company of Logik, Con and a certain female entity who had suddenly lost significant weight-headed for the beach. On the way, I was able to tick off one more on my To-Do list when I ate the Egg Omlette at the Egg Shack near the Lighthouse. Then, after some confusion, I found myself on the beach, sitting on the rocks, talking and catching up on old times for a very long time. It was almost 9 in the night when we decided to go back to the campus. Somehow, I wish I could have stayed there on those rocks feeling the breeze and hearing the waves splash, for a much longer time.

On my way back, I met my HoD and he was really happy to see me. Having been extremely co-operative and helpful during my course, I was really happy to see him as well. After a brief chat with him, I parked myself in front of my Dept for some more chatting session. Shortly, my junior and drink buddy for the night,Harish,  turned up from Mangalore and we both went to do what we were meant to do-get totally drunk. Adrian joined us for our drinking session, as promised. I opened my Black Dog Scotch which I had been saving for over 6 months just for this moment and raised a toast to my Convo. Half an hour later, the bottle is empty and so I open the Tetrapack of DSP that I had bought in the last week of my stay in the hostel. I had saved this too for this date. And after that also got over, Adrian hit upon this very useful idea and next thing I know, I have about 180ml of William Grant’s exquisite Scotch with me in my bottle. With that, we escape out of the hostel and all the way to my Dept, where we camp to finish the extra quarter Scotch. Time passes by and none of us 3 are in touch with it. After the Scotch gets over, I pay my tribute to my Dept by leaving behind all traces of alcohol consumption at the steps leading in front of the Dept Building. All 3 of us, totally drunk by now, head to SAC and talk more nonsense. Logik joined us shortly thereafter. After some more idle chat, I call up Royan (the main reason I am an alcoholic) and talk to him for about half an hour during which time he tells me something he did that suddenly spiked my respect for him. (Hail Royan! Thou art in a diferent continent and at a different level altogether! I Bow to thee!!) And soon after, my conversation with Royan ended, largely due to the zero balance that Adrian’s phone began to claim. However, the night was still young, and I was still pretty high. Harish had crashed on the stage where some Shamiana had been put up. I fulfilled another of my long standing goals by performing “Aqualung” in SAC to a non-Zero crowd with my air guitar! I then joined Adrian in singing “Turn the Page” to the same crowd.

Me and Adrian : ” …Smoke the day’s last cigarette..remembering what she said…what she said”

Adrian (immediately): Here I am!! On the road again!!

Me: Hey wait man! I need to play the lead still! (I walk into the front and play the lead!)

After the song is over and I have played the outro as well, Adrian finds Harish sleeping on the stage and upsets the support used to tie the Shamiana in place and lo and behold! This dude, suddenly springs to life and jumps out of the stage in a flash expecting the entire thing to come down on him-which incidentally didn’t happen. Nevertheless, we found ourselves at 3rd Block Night Canteen treated as the last customers for the night and I end up having some Vada Pav.Now i wish I had also had the Lassi.

I dont recollect what time it was exactly, but it was pretty late in the night-almost early morning. We head to the rooms to get some cash to eat the early morning hot buns at Thadambail and when I went back to the room, I was in for a treat! Though not officially on my To-Do list for the convo, it was always there at the back of my mind. And to do the stuff in that state of mind, at that time with fellow like-minded people (some of whom had passed out during their marathon 6 hour long session) and with copious amounts of Mint flavored Hukka, it was a lot more than I could ask for! All thanks to the DASA guys, my Convo experience was complete and perfect!

I was then officially and properly stoned and went in that state to Thadambail to have the hot buns. Every piece of the Bun-Sambhar combo was like an experience of  a sudden spike in the bliss factor. And with my senses in an extra alert state, I savored each and every moment of it! By the time I came back, daylight was just cracking open in the sky. I bid good night(morning) to fellow drunkards and went to sleep. Now THAT is what I would call A LONG AND MEMORABLE NIGHT!

Having checked off practically everything on my TO-Do list for the convo by then,  I realized I was relatively free when I woke up and so spent the rest of the day in peace. Just went to Mangalore for a short trip to meet a friend and that apart, I spent most of my time in the room filling up my newly bought hard disk with everything I could possibly lay my hands on in DC++. In the end, I found I could only fill around 160GB and not more, largely due to a blatant lack of time.

I finally pack and leave at around 6 and meet some juniors on the way. Although I would have wished to have spent more time with one of them, I still had a smile on my face when I finally boarded the bus and headed to the railway station.

And so there was my NITK Convocation. Couldn’t have been any better or perfect for me. Will remain as one of the most memorable times I have had in a long time!

Scene 3: TIMMY RETURNS!!

SCENE 3 : TIMMY’S HOUSE

Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny go to Timmy’s house and ring the bell. After sometime, Richard (Timmy’s father), a middle aged mentally retarded man in a wheelchair opens the door. Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny don’t know who he is. Silence ensues while they are surprised and are not sure how to react.

ERIC CARTMAN : Who the f*** is this??!??

Kyle (to the other 3) : Guys I think this is Timmy’s father.

Richard: Richard!!!!

Kyle: Err….Mr. Richard, is Timmy here? We haven’t seen him in a long time.

Richard suddenly gets hysterical and starts moving his wheelchair around in a violent manner while continuously screaming “RICHARD! RICHARD!” Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny are taken aback by this behaviour.

Stan: Mr. Richard we just wanted to know if Timmy was here.

Richard stops his erratic behaviour and goes into a room in the house. Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny follow him into the room. There we see Timmy in a wheelchair totally engrossed watching Television. He doesn’t notice anyone coming into the room.

Stan : Hey Timmy! What have you been doing dude? Why have you not been coming to school?

Timmy doesn’t respond to Stan. He is fully engrossed in the Television.

Timmy : Timmeh!!!

Kyle: What is he watching?

SCRUBS is shown to be playing on the television.  Timmy yells “TIMMEH!!”, apparently  finding every dialogue amusing while Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny just stare blankly at the TV.

Stan :  Dude What the f*** is this?

ERIC CARTMAN : Yeah! This show looks pretty retarded! Who the f*** watches this show?

Kenny (muffled) : Timmy does.

ERIC CARTMAN : Oh yeah Timmy is retarded alright!

Kyle : Hey Timmy! Its us, your friends from school.

Timmy : (continues to enjoy the show not noticing any of them) Timmeh!!!!!

Stan : Dude what the f*** is going on here? How can anyone get addicted to this nonsense?

Kyle : You are right dude…This shits not even remotely funny! But Timmy seems to be enjoying it!

(PAUSE while Stan discovers something)

Stan : Wait a minute!

Stan goes near the Television and finds a DVD of SCRUBS all seasons with a caption beneath that reads : FOR RETARDS, BY RETARDS! Stan also finds some instructions for playing the DVD and reads it aloud:

Stan : “PLAY THE DVD ONCE AND IT WILL AUTOMATICALLY REPEAT FOREVER.”

Kyle : Dude Timmy has been watching this show all this time! Man! This is some serious f***ed up shit!

ERIC CARTMAN : Or guys, is this like one of those shows, which are so retarded, that it is used to give people like Timmy a superiority complex? Think of it guys…it makes sense.

Kyle : Cartman! Such shows DO NOT exist! Timmy doesn’t need to be given a dose of superiority complex. He is fine by himself!

ERIC CARTMAN : Oh really Kyle?? You call THIS (pointing at Timmy drooling in a wheelchair enjoying SCRUBS) as being fine by himself?? And what about yourself Kyle? You may have also gotten to where you are by watching other retarded videos that are made specifically for retarded Jews!

Kyle : God Damn you Cartman! I was not and am not retarded!

ERIC CARTMAN : What makes you so sure Kyle? If a Jew was retarded, he wouldn’t know about it would he?

Stan : That’s enough! Guys we gotta think of a way to get Timmy de-addicted from this stupid TV Show.

Timmy (completely oblivious to everything around him)   : Heee Haaaa haaaa Timmeh!!!!

TO BE CONTINUED…